May Retreat Day 10 Sigalovada Sutta DN 31 -advice to Lay People- Delson Armstrong

So now it's time to go back to the ordinary life as a layperson. So I'm going to be talking about the advice to lay people. This is Digha Nikaya 31. It's called Sigalaka Sutta, to Sigalaka. Advice to lay people, also called Sigalovada Sutta, which is also known as the lay person's vinaya. Interesting. Thus have I heard: once the Blessed One was staying at Rajagaha, at the squirrel's feeding place in the bamboo grove, and at that time Sigalaka, the householder's son, having got up early and gone out of Rajagaha, was paying homage with wet clothes and hair, and with joined palms, to the different directions: to the east, to the south, the west, the north, the nadir and the zenith. And the Blessed One, having risen early and dressed, took his robe and bowl and went to Rajagaha for alms. And seeing Sigalaka paying homage to the different directions, he said: "Householder's son, why have you got up so early to pay homage to the different directions?"

"Lord, my father, when he was dying, told me to do so. Out of respect for my father's words, which I revere, honour and hold sacred, I have got up thus early to pay homage in this way to the six directions." "But householder's son, that is not the right way to pay homage to the six directions according to the noble discipline."

"Well, Blessed One, how should one pay homage to the six directions according to the noble discipline? It would be good if the Blessed One were to teach me the proper way to pay homage to the six directions according to the noble discipline." "Then listen carefully, pay attention, and I will speak." "Yes, venerable sir," said Sigalaka. And the Blessed One said: "Young householder, it is by abandoning the four defilements of action, by not doing evil from the four causes, and by not following the six ways of wasting one's substance, through avoiding these fourteen evil ways, that the noble disciple covers the six directions, and by such practice becomes a conqueror of both worlds. When you say 'a conqueror of both worlds', that is this world here, the five sense bases, and the world in the mind."

So that all will go well with him in this world and the next. And so that is the next rebirth. And at the breaking up of the body after death, he will go to a good destination, a heavenly realm. What are the four defilements of action that are abandoned? Taking life is one. Taking what is not given is one. Sexual misconduct is one. Lying speech is one. These are the four defilements of action that he abandons. So these are the precepts. Right? To break the precepts is to defile the mind. When you break the precepts, you defile the mind. So the first instruction for you guys when you go back is to keep your precepts.

Make a commitment every morning before your meditation to take the three refuges and take the five precepts, and then, when you're ready, go and sit. You will see the energy of keeping the precepts throughout the day, especially during your sitting practice. This is essential for you to be able to progress in your practice in the lay life. And the Tathagata, having spoken, added: "Taking life and stealing, lying, adultery, the wise reprove." What are the four causes of evil from which he refrains?

Evil action springs from attachment. It springs from ill will. It springs from folly. It springs from fear. If the noble disciple does not act out of attachment, ill will, folly, or fear, he will not do evil from any of these four causes. So these are desire, hatred, fear, and folly. I'll explain. So when we talk about desire, that is craving.

Sensual craving. Fear or hatred is aversion. Folly can mean two things: sloth and torpor, and not paying attention, lack of mindfulness, not having proper attention. It's also known as heedlessness, not paying heed to what's going on. This is known in Pali as pamada, not paying attention. And fear, fear here can mean restlessness and anxiety. And so he speaks in verse: "Desire and hatred, fear and folly, he who breaks the law through these loses all his fair repute, like the moon at waning time. Desire and hatred, fear and folly, he who never yields to these grows in goodness and repute, like the moon at waxing time."

So how do you let go of desire and hatred, fear and folly? 6R's. But it's not just 6R's in the sitting practice. It's not just 6R's during the walking meditation. It's 6R's whenever you notice an unwholesome state of mind coming up. Whether you are driving, or cooking, or washing the dishes, or watching television, or reading, or interacting with anybody.

Notice the quality of your mind. Notice what states of mind are present. And all that requires is mindfulness, the ability to observe how your mind's attention moves from one thing to the other. So pay attention to your mind in everything you do. And all that requires is to slow things down. When you go back into the world, tomorrow some of you will be going by train, some of you will be going by plane. You'll be going to the airport, and the airport's going to be busy, with hundreds and hundreds of people. There is going to be noise and the sounds of traffic. You have to get to your destination. First, you have to get to the counter to check in.

Then you have to get onto the security line. Then you have to get to the gate. Then you have to get on the plane. Then you have to get to your destination. In all of that, where is your mind? Is your mind befuddled? Is your mind anxious? Is your mind scattered? Is your mind helter-skelter, because of all of the ambient noise of the airport and the activity that's going on? Or do you take things slowly, step by step? Everything is done in a way that is mindful, in a way that is attentive.

The irony is, when you do things in this way you get things done faster. But if you become anxious, if you become restless, if you go here and there and your mind goes in different directions, it's going to take you more time to do the things that you have to do. As simple as checking into the airport, right, checking in at the counter. As simple as walking into the security line, and so on. So notice how your mind is all throughout your trip to the airport, and then at the airport, and to the plane. And then keep that going. Keep that mindfulness going. Keep the ability to remain aware and attentive of what's going on. And more importantly, practise the brahmaviharas.

Before you go to the counter, if you're in line, radiate the brahmaviharas. Radiate loving kindness. Offer your smile to the person at the counter. Offer your smile to the TSA. Offer your smile to the person who is helping you on the airplane. Right, keep that loving kindness going. It will do wonders, trust me, it will do some wonderful things. And which are the six ways of wasting one's substance that one does not follow? Addiction to strong drink and sloth-producing drugs is one way of wasting one's substance.

Haunting the streets at unfitting times is one. Attending fairs is one. Being addicted to gambling is one. Keeping bad company is one. Habitual idleness is one. Which means you don't go to Las Vegas. Well, there you go. But if you think about Las Vegas, you have drink, you have fairs, you have celebrations, you have all kinds of things.

Like going to events, going to the circus and shows and things like that. Habitual idleness, just loitering around, not doing anything, got nothing better to do, you know. But what this is talking about is, first and foremost, addiction to strong drink and sloth-producing drugs. That is one way of wasting one's substance. That's breaking the fifth precept, right? Becoming indulging in intoxicants. So that is out of the question, completely.

Haunting the streets at unfitting times is one. Basically, that means going out for parties, right? Going out at, let's say, ungodly hours, like 2 a.m. or 3 a.m. I think most of us are well past that, right? So that's one thing. The other is attending fairs. So what the Buddha is saying is, when we talk about attending fairs, that's like a person who's addicted to going out all the time, right? Having to go to parties, having to go to see the new show, having to go to see, oh, this band is in town, we'd better go. You know, this band is on tour, let's follow them. You know, that's just, what is that doing, actually?

What is that doing? When he says wasting away one's substance, it means you're wasting away a few things. Your mental energy, and, to an extent, your money. Because your money is energy. Your money represents the energy you've put in to earn that money. And if you're just going to while away that money, what's the point? You're going to just waste that away. All that energy goes in vain. And then also, the things that you do, overindulging in these things, that results in a dull mind.

Because you're assaulting the senses all the time. And this is happening all the time anyway in the world. We have so many different shows on so many different streaming platforms. So many choices, right? And we're always addicted to the next new show. Have you seen that show? Have you checked out the show? And we binge-watch all of that.

Or we're going from one party to the other. Just doing all those things is just a waste of time. It's a waste of time, waste of energy, and waste of money. But you don't know that when you're much younger. When you're young, it's all about, generally speaking, having a good time. Because you have energy. You have immense energy. You have overactive energy, and you're looking for an outlet for that energy. But all of you are wiser and older, and so you know how to

Relegate your time in a way that is efficient. You know how to spend your time in a way that is leading to less suffering. Because in the end, doing these things, assaulting the senses with all of these things, causes the mind to become dull. And that is not good for meditation. That's not good for anything. That dulls the mind, which means that dulls the mindfulness, that dulls the attention. And it's impossible for you to be able to be attentive, doing meditation, or doing anything at all.

Being addicted to gambling is one, right? Keeping bad company is one. Habitual idleness is one. Addicted to gambling. Gambling is also, can be, a waste of money. That's the point of doing it. Keeping bad company. This is a big one, right? Knowing who you spend your time with. Who are your friends? Who are the people that are either supportive of you or not supportive of you? People who, and this is essentially for a young householder, remember. So, people who try to make you do foolish things.

You know, like, I bet you can't jump off that bridge. You know, those kinds of things. Or, you know, you should try this new drug that's there. You know, or whatever it is. Bad company. But there's also people who kind of, you know, drain energy from you, right? They're just people who like to complain about life. They're just people who want somebody to be a sounding board. And you can't do that all the time. You can't be that all the time.

Be mindful of the energy that you spend. Be mindful of the time you spend with people. So if you can find people who are supportive of you, supportive of the practice that you're doing, or at the very least, don't bother you because of your practice, that's the kind of company to keep. It's good to once in a while just hang out with friends, do whatever it is that you're doing, as long as you're not breaking precepts. It's fine. It's another way of being social in lay life. Now, as lay people, you guys do that. You go out and you spend time with people and you make jokes, you have fun, you watch movies, you laugh and all of that.

But everything has its time. Everything has its place. And the people that you enjoy that time with better be worth your time. Better be people who inspire you, who motivate you, who you naturally feel you can be relaxed with, never feel pressured by, never feel stressed out by. There are these six dangers attached to addiction to strong drink and sloth-producing drugs: waste of money, increased quarrelling, liability to sickness, loss of good name, indecent exposure of one's person, and weakening of the intellect.

That's pretty self-explanatory, right? There are these six dangers attached to haunting the streets at unfitting times. One is defenseless and without protection, and so are one's family and one's property. One is suspected of crimes, false reports are pinned on one, and one encounters all sorts of unpleasantness. So in today's reality, depends on where you live, but if you're in a place like New York City or Mumbai or Delhi or something like that, those are cities that never sleep. So you're hanging out, and you always have a tea stall in Mumbai that's open at 3 a.m. But still, hanging around at those times doesn't make sense at all. It's just a waste of energy, right? So the theme here is to be cautious of how you spend your energy, because it's the energy that you will require for a proper sitting practice.

So the danger is attached. One is defenseless and without protection. That can happen. It's possible that you can get mocked, or something else can happen. One's family could be in danger, or one's property. One could be suspected of crimes. This is a very extreme thing, but these are some of the dangers that could happen. There are these six dangers attached to frequenting fairs. One is always thinking, where is their dancing? Where is their singing? Where are they playing music? Where are they reciting? Where is their hand clapping? Where are the drums? That used to be everybody in their youth at some point in time, right? Oh, where's the next gig? Where are we going?

You know, bar crawling, pub crawling and all of that. Have you heard of this new show that's coming out this Friday? Let's go check it out. This is what happened with Sariputta and Moggallana, right? Sariputta and Moggallana were best friends who lived in the same village, and they found out that the circus was in town, or the fair was in town, and there was this great event, and they went there. The first night they were like, oh, that's amazing, that's great, that's awesome, let's go here every night. And they did it, and they saw the same show the next day, the same show the day after, the same show week after week for that whole month.

By the end of it, they were like disenchanted with it. You know, and they were like, is this all there is to life? Just wasting away your time in this way? And so that motivated them to find a way out of suffering. They realised that pleasant feelings, pleasant experiences, were temporary, were fickle, are fleeting. They don't last.

The repetition of those same pleasant feelings isn't the same as it was the first time. It's like a drug. You get addicted to pleasant feelings, but you need more and more in order to experience that high. Right? It's that dopamine rush the mind is always looking for. So what you guys have been doing here in the last 10 days is basically a dopamine detox.

Right? We've taken your phones away from you. You don't have access to the internet. No screen time. Just walking, meditating, eating, not even talking. That, well, kind of, yeah, you're right. I mean, I've seen some of you chatting here and there. But for the most part, what you're doing is you're resetting your mind. You stop getting addicted to, I have to check my phone every couple of minutes, or I have to check my email, right?

So it's the same thing with attending fairs, frequenting fairs. There are these six dangers attached to gambling. The winner makes enemies. The loser bewails his loss. One wastes one's present wealth. One's word is not trusted in the assembly. One is despised by one's friends and companions. And, for those of you out there, one is not in demand for marriage. That could be a good sin. Yeah, yeah, well, there you go.

That's what I'm saying, because a gambler cannot afford to maintain a life. So gambling, don't do it. There are these six dangers attached to keeping bad company. So he talks about the different kinds of bad company: any gambler, any glutton, any drunkard, any cheat, any trickster, any bully is his friend and companion. So these are all people who break precepts, right? A gambler addicted to gambling, a glutton addicted to food, a drunkard addicted to strong drink, a cheat and a trickster who lies, breaks precepts, and a bully who harms others through their words and actions.

There are these six dangers attached to idleness. Here's what idleness means. Thinking it's too cold, one does not work. Thinking it's too hot, one does not work. Thinking it's too early, one does not work. Thinking it's too late, one does not work. Thinking I'm too hungry, one does not work. Thinking I'm too full, one does not work.

Basically, procrastinating. Making excuses for getting work done. That could mean meditation, but that could also just mean your job, whatever it is that you have to do. I'll get to it when I get to it. There are some amazing master procrastinators. They justify all kinds of things. And the Tathagat, having spoken, added, Some are drinking mates, some profess their friendship to your face, but those who are your friends in need, they alone are friends indeed.

Sleeping late, adultery, picking quarrels, doing harm, evil friends, and stinginess. These six things destroy the mind. One who goes with wicked friends and spends their time in wicked deeds, in this world and the next as well, that one will come to suffer woe. Dicing, wenching, drinking too, dancing, singing, daylight sleep, untimely prowling, evil friends, and stinginess destroy the mind. Stinginess, that's a big one. So stinginess is one of the upakilesas of the mind. There are 16 upakilesas. The stinginess, which comes from the word macchariya, means somebody who is tight with their purse. Basically, they do share, but they share just a little bit, because they're like, yeah, I'm only going to give you that much. They don't have that generous heart, they don't have that generous mindset, that's like, yeah, if this person is in need, and if I'm capable of helping them, and I have the means to do it, and I won't be in trouble by doing it, I will help that person as best as I can.

One plays with dice and drinks strong drink and goes with others' well-loved wives. He takes the lower, baser course and fades away like a waning moon. The drunkard, broken, destitute, ever thirsting as he drinks, like stone in water sinks, in debt, soon bereft of all his kin. He who spends his days in sleep and makes the night his waking time, ever drunk and lecherous, cannot keep a decent home. Too cold, too hot, too late, they cry, thus pushing all their work aside, till every chance they might have had of doing good has slipped away.

But he who reckons cold and heat as less than straws, and like one undertakes the task in hand, his joy will never grow the less. So he who reckons cold and heat as less than straws. Equanimity. Earlier we were talking about the eight vicissitudes. There is pleasure and pain. There is profit and loss, or wealth and poverty. There is blame or honour, and praise and blame. What was the last one? Do you remember? Yeah, pain and pleasure. Yeah, so pain and pleasure, fame and blame, wealth and poverty, and? Fame and disrepute.

So the eight vicissitudes of life. If you can have total equanimity in any of these challenges, and that happens through keeping your precepts, maintaining mindfulness, and continuing to meditate and develop equanimity, meaning you remain unaffected by what's going on, right? You see things as they are. You don't get affected by it, you don't grab at things. So, one of the words for equanimity in Pali is "upeka". That's the word that we use, "upeka", which is also from the Sanskrit "upeksha".

And the opposite of "upeksha" is "apeksha". "Apeksha" means "expectation". Expectation is another word for craving: expecting something, expecting this is what will happen, or expecting I want this to happen, right? So getting caught up in that, seeking fame, seeking honour, seeking wealth, seeking all of these things, without realising that they have a duality. Right? If you have praise you'll also have criticism. If you have fame you'll also have ill repute. If you have wealth, that might go away one day and you'll be in poverty. You have pleasure one time, you have pain another time, but that's just the way existence is: the arising and passing away of things, the rising and passing away of different phenomena. But how do you choose to take that?

Do you identify with that? Do you identify with the five aggregates and cause suffering by attaching to that? Or do you let the mind be in equanimity? "Okay, great. That person praised me for whatever it is that I did. Don't let it get to your head. Don't make it a big deal," as Bhante would say. Right? All of these things.

So keep developing your equanimity throughout the day. This is very important. Householder's son, there are these four types who can be seen as foes in friendly guise. It's a good way to find out who are your friends, who are truly your friends and who are not your friends. The one who is all take is one. The great talker is one. The flatterer is one. And the fellow spendthrift is one.

Spendthrift? Somebody who likes to spend money. You go with friends, you shop. Shopping therapy, as they call it. Retail therapy, as they call it. Which can be effective. So the one who is all take. What does that mean? The one who is all take. Never offering a helping hand. Always looking to, what can I get from this person? And when you need help from them, oh, my car broke down and my house was on fire and somebody kidnapped my kids.

The great talker and the flatterer, people use very sweet words, but what is the intention behind it? Don't get carried away by sweet words. See the intention behind it. That doesn't mean you become distrustful of a person, but understand that somebody who just keeps flattering you definitely has some motive in mind. Somebody who offers genuine compliments because of something you did, or something you've achieved, or maybe it's something you're wearing, that's all fine, no big deal. But a flatterer is somebody who's always speaking sweet words to get something from you or to hide something from you. And the fellow spendthrift: be careful of those people who are like, let's go out to eat, and after you go out to eat, let's go shopping here, let's go do this there, let's do that, let's do this, and what happens? It's all on your credit card. So be careful of all that.

The man who is all take can be seen to be a false friend for four reasons. He takes everything. He wants a lot for very little. What he must do, he does out of fear, and he seeks his own ends. Pretty self-explanatory. The great talker can be seen to be a false friend for four reasons. He talks of favors in the past. Somebody who says, you know, I did this for you.

You know, back in the day, 50 years ago, remember? And in the future, he mouths empty phrases of goodwill. Yeah, I'll take care of that tomorrow. I'll make sure you're taken care of, 50 years from now, right? And when something needs to be done in the present, he pleads inability owing to some disaster. I already said this, I already talked about this. It's always something with that person. The flatterer can be seen to be a false friend for four reasons. He assents to bad actions. He dissents from good actions. He praises you to your face. And he disparages you behind your back.

You wouldn't know this, but you can get a sense of such friends, such people in your life. You don't need that kind of energy in your life. Just let that be. Let that go. It doesn't mean you have to confront these people. Just stop it. Just stop interacting with them. That's it. You know, there have been situations where somebody's promised something to you and said, yeah, this is going to happen, and they don't fulfill that promise. You know that they cannot necessarily be trusted. You give them the benefit of the doubt. Maybe something went wrong. You trust them one more time. You can have the policy of three strikes and you're out, right? That's a pretty generous policy.

i'm a little i'm a little less generous in that case it's just one strike and you're out if somebody proves to be somebody who's un who's not distra who's not trustful somebody who you know, is not what they seem, I just drop it. Doesn't mean you have any ill will against them, doesn't mean you have any aversion towards them, you just avoid spending time with them, that's all. You don't have to message them, you don't have to do anything.

And when they see that their words and their actions are not getting to you, and they can't get anything from you, they'll move on to the next victim. That's all you have to do. You don't have to confront them. Just nothing. No response. The fellow spendthrift can be seen to be a false friend for four reasons. He is a companion when you indulge in strong drink, when you haunt the streets at unfitting times, when you frequent fairs, and when you indulge in gambling.

And the Tathagata, having spoken, added, "The friend who seeks what he can get, the friend who talks but empty words, the friend who merely flatters you, the friend who is a fellow wastrel. These four are really foes, not friends. The wise man, recognizing this, should hold himself aloof from them as from some path of panic fear. Householder son, there are these four types who can be seen to be loyal. Now these are people who are loyal friends. The friend who is a helper is one. The friend who is the same in happy and unhappy times is one. The friend who points out what is good for you is one. And the friend who is sympathetic is one."

The helpful friend can be seen to be a loyal friend in four ways. He looks after you when you are inattentive. He looks after your possessions when you are inattentive. He is a refuge when you are afraid. And when some business is to be done, he lets you have twice what you ask for. That's a very rare friend, impossible to have nowadays, especially the last part.

The friend who is the same in happy and unhappy times can be seen to be a loyal friend in four ways. He tells you his secrets. He guards your secrets. He does not let you down in misfortune. And he would even sacrifice his life for you. Very rare indeed. The friend who points out what is good for you can be seen to be a loyal friend in four ways. He keeps you from wrongdoing. He supports you in doing good. He informs you of what you did not know. And he points out the path to heaven. The reason why he's saying this is because at the time lay people were interested in getting to a better destination, not Nibbana, generally.

So let's go back to that again, because this is very important. You have to find out someone who can point out what is good for you, right? Somebody who is your kalyana mitta, somebody who looks out for you. And this is somebody who keeps you from wrongdoing. So they can point out, I think what you're doing might be taking you down a wrong path.

Pay attention to that, friend. Understand why they're saying what they're saying. Figure out, okay, what is it that I'm doing that is wrong? He supports you in doing good. Find a sangha that you can be with, to meditate with. Those are your kalyana mittas. We have so many different online groups that are friends together, supporting one another with meditation advice, supporting one another with sutta recommendations, coming together once a week or once a month, discussing suttas, discussing meditation. He informs you of what you did not know.

So they keep you informed of what's going on, right? They let you know, did you pay attention to that? Did you pay attention to this? And he points out the path to heaven. That means they motivate you toward keeping your precepts. They point out and they say, I don't think you should be doing that, right? Somebody is tempted to have a drink, and your loyal friend says, I don't think you should be doing that, right? If you start to indulge in gossip, they'll say, I don't think we should be talking about this. So they're very much there to help you to keep your precepts.

The sympathetic friend can be seen to be a loyal friend in four ways. He does not rejoice at your misfortune. He rejoices at your good fortune. He stops others who speak against you, and he commends others who speak in praise of you. Again, a rare friend. And the Tathagata, having spoken thus, added, "The friend who is a helper, and the friend in times both good and bad, the friend who shows the way that's right, the friend who's full of sympathy. These four kinds of friends, the wise should know as their true worth, at their true worth, and he should cherish them with care,

just like a mother with her child. The wise man, trained and disciplined, shines out like a beacon fire. He gathers wealth just as the bee gathers honey, and it grows like an anthill, higher yet. With wealth so gained, the layman can devote it to his people's good." So this is important to understand also. How do you build wealth?

How do you build your resources? Because at the end of the day, as lay people, you have to support yourselves, right? You have to be able to have the resources to support your livelihood. How do you do that? Is it by getting a good degree, getting a good education? Is it by getting into a good university? Is it by finding the best companies to work for? What is it?

At the end of the day, it is about relationships. Genuine relationships. So you can call it networking, but networking is one thing. It's more like building long-lasting relationships with people, being loyal to them. And when you do that, people will remember you. And they will want to help you. They will want to share their wealth with you. They will want to share their resources with you.

I've had this experience many times, where I have been loyal to all of my friends, to the end. And I've maintained those relationships, and those friends will always remember me. If I need anything, I just have to call them. Sometimes I don't even have to call them, I just reach out to them mentally and they'll call me.

But in the times where I was working or in a business or doing the things that I was doing in California, not talking bad about others, keeping good relationships was the way by which I progressed in my career. Because people remember you. "Oh, that's the guy who's really nice. He's fun to hang out with. He's a nice person. See if he's available for this work." I have a lot of friends who have developed these relationships over the years and they've given me so much in terms of not only their friendship, which is very important, it's the fundamental, but in being friends in that business they have given me all kinds of things, all kinds of resources, they've offered me all kinds of shares in their companies and this and that, just because they thought about me because I was a good friend, and vice versa. So the way to build wealth, the way to build resources, is to have genuine friendship, genuine relationships.

That's the way to do it, because the moment you have that scarcity mindset of how can I get something from this person, you give off these vibes that a person can read, and they definitely will not want to work with you. But if you are genuine, you have loving kindness for them, you have compassion for them, you are empathetically joyful for their successes, they remember you. "He should divide his wealth in four. This will most advantage bring one part he may enjoy at will. Two parts he should put to work. The fourth part he should set aside as reserve in times of need."

This is the Buddha giving you guys financial advice. How do you deal with your money? That depends on you guys, how you have ratios. But just because you make money doesn't mean you spend all of it in one place. You don't spend all of it on your livelihood. You don't spend all of it on your living expenses. You portion out a little bit for savings, you portion a little bit out for investments, putting a little bit out for getting that new Ferrari, or whatever it is that you've been wanting, right?

And some of it, it could be up to half of it, is used towards whatever is required for your existence. But you can follow this ratio 50-25-25 or whatever ratio works for you. There's a great book called The Richest Man in Babylon, and in that book one of the first rules is pay yourself first.

Whatever money that you get, put it towards a savings account, put it towards some kind of investment, whatever it is that you think is useful. And then whatever money is remaining, then you use it for your livelihood. Now, what percentage that is? That can be 5%, 10%, 20%, 25%, whatever is comfortable for you. But be smart with your money. That's what the Buddha is saying. Don't waste your money.

Understand what money is. It is a representation of the energy that you've expended. And when you do give money, when you do spend money, when you pay the bills, when you do offer money as dana, understand what that money represents. You are saying that the energy and effort I've taken to earn this money, I am giving that to you as gratitude. I'm giving that to you because I want you to be happy.

See that as a way of transferring your joy and giving that joy to the other. And how, householder's son, does a noble disciple protect the six directions? These six things are to be regarded as the six directions. The East denotes one's parents. The South denotes teachers. The West denotes one's family, your spouse, your partner, your children. The North denotes friends and companions. The nadir denotes servants, workers, and helpers. The zenith denotes ascetics and brahmin. There are five ways in which a child should minister to their mother and father as the eastern direction.

They should think, having been supported by them, I will support them. How often do you think about that for your parents? When your parents are in need, are you there for them? Because they have been there for you always, or hopefully always. They should think thus: I will perform their duties for them. I will keep up the family tradition. I will be worthy of my inheritance. After my parents have passed on, I will distribute gifts on their behalf. This is so important. You know, when a parent passes away,

you can go and give alms to the Sangha and dedicate that merit to them so that they have a better destination. And there are five ways in which the parents, so ministered to by their child as the Eastern Direction, will reciprocate. So parents also have a duty to their children. They will restrain them from evil, support them in doing good, teach them some skill, find them a suitable partner, and in due time hand over the inheritance to them. In this way, the eastern direction is covered, making it at peace and free from fear.

You see, when Buddha talks about these six directions, he's also giving advice for how society could be able to function at the most optimal. Now, some of these things might seem antiquated. Some of these things might seem outdated. So you take what works for you in your context of how your society is. But this generally is how it works in the East, in India. There is this devotedness to one's parents. The idea is that because our parents have taken care of us when we were young, when they grow old, we will support them. We will take care of them as best as we can.

And especially in India and probably the rest of the East, the parents are always looking to make sure that their kids have the best education. They will do all kinds of sacrifices. This is probably all around the world, obviously. But then more specifically, parents are always looking to make sure that they find a good partner for their kids. Very India, right? Very, very much so. But the reason behind that is to make sure that their kids have a good householder's life. That's really it. So the concept of arranged marriages in India has changed a little bit. Before, it was very, very different. It was like, sometimes you didn't even know who the person you were getting married to.

never even met them until the day of the marriage. But now it's different. Now there are all of these different marriage bureaus and matchmaking services and all of these things, and parents do their research. You should see Indian parents when they do their research. I know, I know how that is, my mother, right? But the whole intention behind that is they want their kids to be happy. You want to make sure that the partner that their kids have is somebody that will be supportive, somebody that will be good to them, and vice versa. Somebody who is compatible in all ways.

So in today's modern version of the Indian arranged marriages, what they do is they'll have a whole sort of retinue of different resumes of different so-called partners, potential partners, and they look at it and be like, okay, these are the ones that maybe we should look at. And then the two kids will meet and their families will be with them. And then they'll say, "Are you interested?" "Yeah, I'm interested." "Are you interested?" "Yes, I'm interested." And they start going out on coffee dates and they start hanging out with each other little by little. So the relationship is developed, and if they find that they are compatible, then they tell their parents and then voila, we have a marriage. There are five ways in which pupils should minister to their teachers as the southern direction: by rising to greet them, by standing up when they're there, by waiting on them, by being attentive, by serving them, by mastering the skills that they teach.

And there are five ways in which their teachers, thus ministered to by their pupils as the Southern Direction, will reciprocate. So teachers also have a duty. They will give thorough instruction, make sure they have grasped what they should have duly grasped, give them a thorough grounding in all skills, and recommend them to their friends and colleagues, and provide them with security in all directions. In this way, the southern direction is covered, making it at peace and free from fear. So again, this is an ancient Indian idea. At the time of the Buddha and even before them, they had what was known as gurukulas. That's where the word curriculum comes from. Curriculums were basically places where kids would be going to school, sort of like a boarding school.

And the main teacher over there was responsible for all of the students. So he or she would make sure that the students were well fed, that they had beds to sleep in. They were basically taking on the place of their parents. So that was their duty to them. Make sure that they got the proper instruction. Make sure that they understood the instruction. Make sure that they have the foundations in all the skills that are required for functioning in society. And recommending them to different places. So, giving letters of recommendation in modern terminology.

There are five ways in which a partner should minister... Let me say what it says here. Take it with a grain of salt. There are five ways in which a husband should minister to his wife as the Western direction: by honoring her, by not disparaging her, by not being unfaithful to her, by giving authority to her, by providing her with adornments.

And there are five ways in which a wife thus ministered to by her husband as the Western direction will reciprocate: by properly organizing the housework, by being kind to the servants, by not being unfaithful, by protecting food, and by being skillful and diligent in all she has to do. In this way, the Western direction is covered, making it at peace and free from fear. We live in a different world now, right? But these roles can be taken on by anybody, man or woman, right? So here it says husband and wife, but it could be anyone.

So there's a role that you have. There is the person who stays at home, makes sure that the house is taken care of, the kids are properly fed, you know, everything is done with diligence. And there is that person who is the breadwinner and makes sure that the bills are paid and so on and so forth. So there's a process here that's happening between two partners. Or if you're a throuple, that's a different thing. But there is some kind of understanding in a relationship of how to manage the household.

There are five ways in which a man should minister to his friends and companions as the northern direction. By gifts, by kindly words, by looking after their welfare, by treating them like himself, and by keeping his word. Pretty self-explanatory, right? How do you remain a good friend? These are the ways. And there are five ways in which friends and companions, thus ministered to by one as the northern direction, will reciprocate.

By looking after him when he is inattentive, by looking after his property when he is inattentive, by being a refuge when he is afraid, by not deserting him when he is in trouble, and by showing concern for his children. In this way, the northern direction is covered, making it at peace and free from fear. There are five ways in which a master should minister to his servants and work people as the nadir.

So here, in modern ways, we can understand an employer to his employee. By arranging their work according to their strengths, by giving them enough work that is according to their skill sets, by supplying them with food and wages, making sure that they're properly paid, by looking after them when they are ill, so that could be health care.

By sharing special delicacies with them. Bonuses? Offering bonuses? And by letting them off work at the right time. And there are five ways in which these employees, thus ministered to by their employers as the nadir, will reciprocate. So this is interesting. They will get up before him, go to bed after him, take only what they are given, do their work properly, and be bearers of his praise and good repute.

In this way the nadir is covered, making it at peace and free from fear. There are five ways in which a man should minister to ascetics and Brahmins as the zenith. So, when you talk about ascetics and Brahmins, these are different from teachers. These are like bhikkhus, these are like monks, wanderers, people coming for alms, and so on. By kindness in bodily deeds, speech, and thought, right?

Providing acts of kindness, speaking good words, thinking good for that person. By keeping open house for them, by supplying their bodily needs. And the ascetics and Brahmins thus ministered to by him as the zenith will reciprocate in six ways. So they have a duty to those people as well. They will restrain him from evil. So they will correct him if he's wrong. Encourage him to do good. Show him the way. Be benevolently compassionate towards him. Teach him what he has not heard. Show him things that they have not heard before. Meditation techniques. Things like that. And point out to him the way to heaven. Again, this is for a lay person. In this way the zenith is covered, making it at peace and free from fear.

And the Tathagata, having spoken, added: Mother, father are the east. Teachers are the southward point. Family are the west. Friends and colleagues are the north. Servants and workers are below. Ascetics and Brahmins are above. These directions all should be honored by a clansman true. He who is wise and disciplined, kindly and intelligent, humble, free from pride, such a one may honor gain. Early rising, scorning sloth, unshaken by adversity, of faultless conduct, ready wit. Such a one may honor gain, making friends and keeping them, welcoming no stingy host, a guide, philosopher, and friend. Such a one may honor gain, giving gifts and kindly speech, a life well spent for others' good, even-handed in all things, impartial as each case demands.

These things make the world go round like the chariot's axle pin. If such things did not exist, no mother from her son would get any honor and respect, no father either, as they do. But since these qualities are held by the wise in high esteem, they are given prominence and are rightly praised by all. So all of this is really talking about a person who follows this, somebody who offers comfort and care for those in need, who is generous to his friends, generous to his family, who is generous to their co-workers, to their employees, to their colleagues, to teachers, to ascetics and Brahmins, that is to say those who are seeking alms. And so when this happens, and everybody starts acting in this way, you have a society that is balanced.

A society that isn't crumbling. A society that is healthy, not only in terms of physical health. I'm talking about healthy in terms of emotionally and mentally. At these words, Sigalaka said to the Blessed One: Excellent, Master Gautama, excellent. It is as if someone were to set up what had been knocked down, or to point out the way to one who had got lost, or to bring an oil lamp into a dark place so that those with eyes could see what was there. Just so the Master Gautama has expounded the Dhamma in various ways. May the Master Gautama accept me as a lay follower from this day forth as long as life shall last.

Some few parting words for you guys. It's important to understand a few things. If you take care of these three things, you will be okay. You'll be more than okay. Number one, keep your precepts. Do everything you can to keep your precepts. Number two, be generous. Generous not only with your money, but generous with time, generous with your energy, generous with your smile, generous with your loving-kindness, generous with the brahmaviharas, generous with your patience, generous with your forgiveness.

And number three, the 6R's. Replace the unwholesome states with wholesome states of mind and keep cultivating them. This is how you take care of the Dhamma. That is your responsibility now, to take care of the Dhamma. And Bhante Vimalaramsi would always say, if you take care of the Dhamma, the Dhamma will take care of you. There are those here who have seen it for themselves, that when they take care of the Dhamma, the Dhamma takes care of them. There are so many different examples of that, where when you keep your precepts, you are well protected. You don't get yourself in situations that can cause you harm one way or the other. Or if you do find yourself in such situations, you can easily escape them without so much as a scratch.

There are a few examples like that. There's one example I know of that was from a friend of mine, and they were telling me of this lady who got herself in the middle of a robbery. She was at a grocery store, or one of these convenience stores, and she got herself in a hostage situation, and there were her and another person, and she was afraid and everything, but she sent loving-kindness to the people who were taking her hostage. And there was a car chase that happened. The police were chasing the car that she was in, and the other person was in with the bad guys.

But somehow, for whatever reason, they didn't feel comfortable keeping her in the car. So they threw her out of the car and they continued the chase. But guess what happened to the car? It crashed, and everybody in it died. It's a very extreme example, obviously. Yeah. Bauer metta. So, go forth, live long and prosper. All right, ice cream, that's right, chocolate cake, chocolate cake, yeah, oh yeah. There's supposed to be questions too. I know, you want to keep going with the video.

Yes, please. This is a question mostly for us who want to be inspired by you, because I feel like you are... You're obviously a householder and not a monk, and still you know so much from meditation. You have time to teach, you take time to teach very generously, and we are all householders, and we want to learn from you, not just here, but maybe in other lives too. So how can we, tell us, please. Well, I'm a special case, so.

No, no, I'm just kidding. I'll tell you a little bit about how you organize your household and life so you can do all of it. And maybe a second part of the question, if we can, how can we continue to be in contact with you to ask questions when we have some, and also... Just send me a message mentally. So you have a way to let us know if we can... That's right, that's right. No, I appreciate the questions. First and foremost, I live a very odd life by householder standards. I don't have a house of my own, I don't have a family of my own. Yeah, I support my mom and my sister, but I travel a lot, and that's all I do is teach.

There's nothing else I can really do at this point. Nobody will hire me, right? So how I got through this was just through the Dhamma, right? During the pandemic in 2020, people started to find out about me and started to send emails, started to try to get a hold of me, once a week, because that was the only time I was available.

And so I did Skype calls and phone calls and emails once a week. And that grew into, how about, well, during the pandemic, and then once I was out of that and came to Cambodia, that grew into, could you do weekly Dhamma talks? Sure. So this was during the pandemic time, where my parents were in Cambodia, and I was helping them as best as I could with their business, but I was generally just teaching, so giving Dhamma talks and still offering phone calls. And then that grew into, how about doing retreats?

So I did a three-day weekend retreat in Cambodia, and I did that for a few weeks. And then that grew into, how about online retreats? So it just grew from there. And I got caught up in this whirlpool of the Dhamma. And I can't escape it now. So that's all I do, is I teach whenever people invite me to teach. They do the best I can.

And I live off of dana. That's the way I do it. So the dana helps support me, supports the ability for me to support my mom. And whenever I'm in India, that's really my base. I go spend some time with her and my sister. But I'm always traveling. Even while I'm in India, I'm always traveling. I'm going up to the Himalayas. I'm going to South India, I'm going here, I'm going there. I try to call up my mom and ask her, where is Delson? She has no idea.

And it's so interesting. When I'm at home, I'm not a Dhamma teacher at home. So in other words, I don't talk about the Dhamma when I'm at home. I'm just the goofball Delson, right? Just the older brother, the son. And so I'm just living my life however I can for my mother and for my sister. And then when I'm out and about and I'm going to do a talk or I'm invited to go give some kind of talk on a certain subject of the Dhamma, then it just happens. I don't have to think about it.

So I guess the inspiration here for you would be to continue practicing the Dhamma. Just keep at it, keep doing it, and you will start to infuse every aspect of your life with the Dhamma. See, even though I don't talk about the Dhamma at home, I live a pretty good life with my mom, my sister. When I'm with them, right? They are very happy. It's so funny. I'll tell you one example. For example, when I go to India, when I'm in India, and I go to... So there is a group called the Pali Department, the Department of Pali at the University of Mumbai.

And I did a three-day event with them. There was about 150 people over there, and I was teaching them metta practice. And they were so happy and so delighted for those three days. They got all kinds of food from home, and I had a whole platter of food, a lot of food. And they gave all kinds of dana and gifts, but they were so inspired that they wanted me to keep coming as often as I could. So I have to tell my mom, I'm going to the Pali Department. Why? Because then she can clear away the dining table for all of the gifts that are coming. We don't have to shop for groceries. We get our groceries from the Pali Department. So I'm taking care of the Dhamma as best as I can, and it seems to be taking care of me so far.

And that's just because of keeping the precepts, being as generous as I can be with whatever I'm doing, and keeping the practice going. That's it. Now, how do you stay in contact with me? Through Dhammasukha. Actually, I'll go get the business cards. I have some business cards that were printed out, right? So I'll go down and get them for you guys. But the best way is through email, through either the Dhammasukha email or Suttavada email. I hear what you're saying. But when you're saying this, what you just said to us, I'm thinking to myself,

I need to decide what I want to be in future lifetimes and go in that direction, if I want to be a Dhamma expert like you are, because in the month of Sundays I couldn't give a Dhamma talk like you do. So for me, to aim for that in this lifetime is senseless. Why not? Why not? Well, maybe. I don't know. I think if I look at it like, I want to be, if I want to be an expert in a future life, then I need to start applying that. And maybe it does happen in this life, but I think that you need to start to take a look further.

For instance, if you want to be a professional athlete, that's probably a better example, because of course I'm not going to be a professional athlete anymore. But then I can start to take steps to that now by applying my energy to a professional hockey player and start stick handling at home. You mean investing in your next life hockey career? Yeah, start analyzing the game and become an expert and carry it through that lifetime. Yeah, so I'll also tell you, like I said, I'm kind of a special case because the household life never interested me in terms of the normal household life. And I've always been a nomad. So always traveling ever since I was 12 or 13, just constantly traveling.

So I think it's also about karma. Some aspects of karma, because some people choose to be in the household life and have a family and have a career and have a lot of this. First of all, I don't even consider this work. That's the other thing. I don't consider this as a career. I'm not doing this for the money.

I'm not doing this for anything. Somehow I landed up here and you guys gave me permission to teach, so I'm speaking. And I'm serious about that. The moment people stop attending my Dhamma talks, I'll stop talking and go to the mountains. So if you can have that kind of dedication to be able to meditate up in the mountains, in the caves, for as long as I have, or even longer. Because even my, well, some of you know my journey in terms of how I started this at the age of 16. School life wasn't interesting to me, and I went to the Himalayas. Decided I wanted to spend time by the Ganges River, become like a wanderer, learn all kinds of philosophies, learn all kinds of yoga tools and techniques.

And that went on for a while. And it went on where for some time also it was a risk to my life. So that kind of dedication is important, if you want something like it, I guess, right? But you could have lesser versions of that by committing to having a consistent Dhamma practice, by having a consistent meditation practice, a minimum of one to two hours a day. Spending once a month in retreat, over a weekend, Friday evening to Sunday night.

You can spend that time disconnecting from the world and just going into meditation, deep meditation. You have to have that strong chanda. Like, I did not rest until I got what I wanted. Literally, there are times when I would be up for a long time, just up for 72 hours, 78 hours at a time, no sleep. Well, that's another case, but exactly. It's that we're taking the example of this, but it's for whatever you want to be in your life and lays it all out and lives in squalor and plays and plays so there's Steve Jobs lays it all out and just computers, computers, computers. If you go in with all your heart and you're not worried about the payback, yes, everything comes. That's exactly it. And that was actually, to bring up that point, my dad being a father would always ask, so what do you want to do with your life?

And he would see me just meditate and read spiritual books and look at different spiritual videos and things like that. And he'd be like, so have you thought about getting a job? But he was supportive. He was also very supportive. He understood, as things happened in Cambodia, that there was something going on where I was spending time on the computer teaching people or whatever. So the one time that I left Cambodia to go to the Netherlands, to do some retreats over there and the research and everything, my dad said, I don't know exactly what it is that you do, but whatever you're doing, go have fun.

It's the same case with my mom. She said that, again, when I left, I think I left from Cambodia to go to the Easter retreat last year. And she said, all you have to do now is just serve humanity. Like she saw that, she was able to see that. So the support of my parents, the support of people around me, that's a big thing too. I have everything in terms of perfect calibration to have gotten to the path that I've gotten to and the fruits that I have.

So it's a mix of karma in terms of my own intentions and my own efforts, as well as the fruition of previous efforts and all of the causes and conditions coming together. But again, I will point out that is because of the dedication to the Dhamma by those three basic things. And then you might start to see for yourself that other things become less interesting to you. Like they did for me. The Dhamma becomes more interesting than anything else.

But that arises due to continuous practice. You stop getting interested in other things. You become disenchanted with other aspects of life or your career. And then you see that this is taking you to the Dhamma completely. That's what happened with me. I could have continued to live in California. I could have continued to become a screenwriter and do all kinds of things.

But it just didn't interest me anymore. And call me lazy. I didn't feel like working anymore. Too hot, too cold. Yeah, that's right. This was too much. This was too little. But what I'm doing now is just, it's the natural order of things. I don't think it can be overstated, the value of the three things that you just mentioned. I don't think it can, there's no way to overstate the importance of the three things. And what Barbara Zella Moranzi would say at about this time of the retreat is he said, "If you take care of Dhamma, Dhamma will take care of you." David says that too. It's true.

Very true. My partner, girlfriend, all would have cloned me. Kind of weird. But just, my family embraces every time I come back from a retreat. Yeah. I come back, I open the door, last time she said, Oh, look, an astronaut! Can't be overstated. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And you'll see that for yourself as well, the more you do it.

If you take care of those three things, everything will fall into place. Well, look at what happened with this well. You guys, water is done. It's gone. And I thought, wow, we're going to be out of water for months. Jerry just meets the well guy like the next day in town, who's never, who hasn't been here for two decades. It's his son, it's the guy who drilled it, dead. And he runs into this guy, and he's, sure, I'll come right over. And then the water just comes back off. And we don't even know why it came back off. It went out. It just came back off. It's just, not anymore.

Yeah. It's not a question, but it's a comment following into liking what you're doing and taking care of the Dharma. So, throughout my life I've been a spiritual seeker, and initially I was reading books for self growth. When I started learning more about Buddhism, especially scriptures, somebody mentioned to me that there were only about three booklets or something like that, and so I never dug deeper. Then I fell into another different religion, and then another one, and another one, and then finally started to learn that, wow, there is a huge amount of literature in Buddhism. Yeah, and now, if I go to a bookstore, I love going to a bookstore.

And when I look at it, it is full of emptiness, like really. I just look, pick up books, my titles, whatever. It's like there is nothing here. Yeah, nothing that is going to spark my attention. Yeah, and so, just because of what I learned, the body that he has, the power that he has, I cannot compare it to anything. I've been Christian, I've been a Mormon, I've been a scientist, always being, meaning spending time there, not just reading about it there. And there is nothing, but compared to the Dhamma...

Shall we share some merit? One day I will remember how to do this. But it is not today. May suffering ones be suffering free, and the fear-struck fearless be. May the grieving shed all grief, and may all beings find relief. May all beings share this merit that we have thus acquired for the acquisition of all kinds of happiness. May beings inhabiting space and earth, Devas and Nagas of mighty power, share this merit of ours. May they long protect the Buddha's dispensation. Sadhu, sadhu, sadhu.