Day 10 DN 31 Advice to Lay People - Aug Retreat -Delson Armstrong

So today we're going to talk about the lay life, what are you going to do off retreat? And this is Digha Nikaya 31, Sigalaka Sutta, to Sigalaka, which is also called the Advice to Lay People. Thus have I heard, once the Blessed One was staying at Rajagaha, at the squirrel's feeding place in the bamboo grove. And at that time, Sigalaka, the householder's son, having got up early and gone out of Rajagaha, was paying homage with wet clothes and hair and with joined palms to the different directions, to the east, the south, the west, the north, the nadir, and the zenith.

And then the Blessed One, having risen early and dressed, took his bowl and robe and went to Rajagaha for alms. And seeing Sigalaka paying homage to the different directions, he said, Householder son, why have you got up early to pay homage to the different directions? Lord, my father, when he was dying, told me to do so, and so out of respect for my father's words, which I revere, honor, and hold sacred, I have got up thus early to pay homage in this way to the six directions.

But, Householder son, that is not the right way to pay homage to the six directions, according to the Aryan discipline. When he says Aryan, he's talking about noble. So here, Arya means noble in Sanskrit or in Pali. Well, Lord, how would one pay homage to the six directions according to the Aryan discipline? It would be good if the Blessed One were to teach me the proper way to pay homage to the six directions according to the Aryan discipline.

Then listen carefully, pay attention and I will speak. Yes, venerable sir, said Sigalaka. Young householder, it is by abandoning the four defilements of action, by not doing evil from the four causes, by not following the six ways of wasting one's substance, through avoiding these 14 evil ways, that the noble disciple covers the six directions, and by such practice becomes a conqueror of both worlds, so that all will go well with him in this world and the next, and at the breaking up of the body after death he will go to a good destination, a heavenly realm.

What are the four defilements of action that are abandoned? What are the four defilements of action that are abandoned? Taking life is one, taking what is not given is one, sexual misconduct is one, lying speech is one. These are the four defilements of action that he abandons. Sound familiar? The precepts. And the Tathagata, having spoken, added, Taking life and stealing, lying, adultery, the wise reprove.

What are the four causes of evil from which he refrains? Evil action springs from attachment, from ill will, from folly, and from fear. If the noble disciple does not act out of attachment, ill will, folly, or fear, he will not do evil from any of these four causes. Thus the Blessed One spoke, and the Tathagata, having spoken, added, desire and hatred, fear and folly.

He who breaks the law through these loses all his fair repute, like the moon at waning time. Desire and hatred, fear and folly, he who never yields to these grows in goodness and repute, like the moon at waxing time. So desire and hatred, this is craving and aversion, fear and folly. This is delusion. This is also doubt.

This is also ignorance. This is also lack of mindfulness. So when we talk about craving, we talk about craving threefold, right? We talk about sensual craving, we talk about craving for existence, and we talk about craving for non-existence. When we talk about aversion, we talk about aversion in relation to sensual experiences, and aversion in relation to existence.

We talk about fear. Fear manifests sometimes as doubt. Doubt in others, doubt in oneself. And folly, lack of mindfulness. This is ignorance, ignoring the Four Noble Truths, not being aware of the Four Noble Truths, not using the 6R's. And which are the six ways of wasting one's substance that he does not follow? Addiction to strong drink and sloth-producing drugs is one way of wasting one's substance.

Haunting the streets at unfitting times is one. Attending fairs is one. Being addicted to gambling is one. Keeping bad company is one. Habitual idleness is one. So these are the six ways in which one wastes one's substance. In other words, wastes one's time, one's energy, one's efforts. There are these six dangers attached to addiction to strong drink and sloth-producing drugs.

So here we're talking about the fifth precept, abstaining from indulging in intoxicants. At this point, do you think that he had not made that precept yet? That it came a little later? It seems like it came a little later. Yeah. Yeah, but I think it came for a good reason after he saw, I think there's a story about, yeah, it took a strong drink and falls on the ground, so I know that, again, I might have misheard, but one of the monastics who was here, we spoke with, he was talking about how certain drinks that were fermented were forbidden, but certain drinks, like what's known as toddy, which is before the fermentation process, were permitted, and they didn't necessarily produce intoxication. So it's all about what produces intoxication and sloth, lack of mindfulness, heedlessness. So that can also include things that, like, indulging in things that cause a lot of sloth and torpor in general, right?

Like I talked about earlier, binge-watching Netflix, reading a whole book in one night, just doing things obsessively to the point that it just causes this dullness in the mind. How do you feel when you binge-watch a whole season? Yeah. - If it's B.K. Miller, he's the Buddha. - Well, I mean-- - You forget it. But that's 52 episodes. Back then, there were things like soma and whatnot. How was that for you? Yeah, soma was not something that the Buddha ever prescribed or adhered to. What's soma? In the Vedas, there is this concoction that the rishis used to create. The rishis were these sages.

And in the Vedas, they have these hymns to Soma, S-O-M-A. And Soma was a concoction made up of different kinds of roots and seeds and plants and things like that. And it was understood that it invigorated the mind and it created a lot of inspiration for writing poetry, for writing songs, that kind of stuff. Well, it had some psychoactive properties. Now, it's interesting. I remember watching this documentary by a guy named Victor Sarianidi, I think his name was. And he went up to this, he had excavated this area where he saw that they had these temples dedicated to the creation of Soma. There were these bowls which had residue of what could have been made up of Soma.

You know what that was? Cannabis, opium, and ephedra. Ephedra was a stimulant. So, obviously, not recommended. Where was that? This was up in, where was this? Turkmenistan. Yeah, Turkmenistan. So, Soma was something that was used for the writing of the Vedas. The rishis would drink this in copious amounts, it was said, and they would make connection with the devas and the gods and get inspiration and start writing these hymns and mantras.

Anyway. So, there are these six dangers attached to addiction to strong drink and sloth-producing drugs. Present waste of money, increased quarreling, liability to sickness, loss of good name, indecent exposure of one's person, and weakening of the intellect. There are these six dangers attached to haunting the streets at unfitting times. One is defenseless and without protection, so are one's family, and so is one's property. One is suspected of crimes, and false reports are pinned on one, and one encounters all sorts of unpleasantness.

There are these six dangers attached to frequenting fairs. One is always thinking, where is their dancing, where is their singing, where are they playing music, where are they reciting, where is their hand clapping, where are the drums? There are these six dangers attached to gambling. The winner makes enemies. The loser bewails his loss. One wastes one's present wealth. One's word is not trusted in the assembly. One is despised by one's friends and companions.

One is not in demand for marriage because a gambler cannot afford to maintain a wife. There are these six dangers attached to keeping bad company. Any gambler, any glutton, any drunkard, any cheat, any trickster, any bully is his friend, his companion. There are these six dangers attached to idleness. Thinking it's too cold, one does not work. Thinking it's too hot, one does not work. Thinking it's too early, one does not work. Thinking it's too late, one does not work. Thinking I'm too hungry, one does not work, thinking I'm too full, one does not work. So procrastination, right? Making up excuses, whether it's for meditation or for any kind of work. Don't procrastinate.

And the Tathagata, having spoken, added, some are drinking mates and some profess their friendship to your face, but those who are your friends in need, they alone are friends indeed. Sleeping late, adultery, picking quarrels, doing harm, evil friends and stinginess, these six things destroy a man. He who goes with wicked friends and spends his time in wicked deeds, in this world and the next as well, that man will come to suffer woe.

Dicing, wenching, drinking too, dancing, singing, daylight sleep, untimely prowling, evil friends and stinginess destroy a man. He plays with dice and drinks strong drinks and goes with others' well-loved wives. He takes the lower baser course and fades away like waning moon. The drunkard, broke and destitute, ever thirsting as he drinks, like stone in water sinks, in debt, soon bereft of all his kin. He who spends his day in sleep and makes the night his waking time, ever drunk and lecherous, cannot keep a decent home.

Too cold, too hot, too late, they cry, thus pushing all their work aside, till every chance they might have had of doing good has slipped away. But he who reckons cold and heat as less than straws, and like a man undertakes the task in hand, his joy will never grow the less. I just want to make sure that people understand this. He who spends his days in sleep and makes the night his waking time.

Obviously, some people are going to have night shifts. That's okay, right? You want to be practical about this advice. But here's an important thing he says. He who reckons cold and heat as less than straws and like a man undertakes the task in hand, his joy will never grow the less. What does that mean? Equanimity. Not being bothered about one thing or the other. Heat or cold, pain or pleasure, blame or praise, right? All of these different things.

Gains or loss. Being totally equanimous. When you have a mind that is filled with equanimity, your mind remains detached. A mind that remains detached and dispassionate can still function in daily life. But because it's not caught up in the fruit of the practice, in the fruit of the actions, it's not motivated by the end result. It knows what the end result is or it knows what it wants to be the end result. But it allows that process to be enjoyed fully. Having total equanimity, then it doesn't matter whether they achieve it or not.

They have actually gained a lot more than that. They've gained steadiness of mind and very deep contentment. So the lay life can be very, very beneficial if you have the right mindset. If the mindset is about being content, being equanimous, being balanced, being even-minded. Householder son, there are these four types who can be seen as foes in friendly guise. One who is all take is one, the great talker is one, the flatterer is one, and the fellow spendthrift is one.

The one who is all take can be seen to be a false friend for four reasons. He takes everything. He wants a lot for very little. What he must do, he does out of fear, and he seeks his own ends. The great talker can be seen to be a false friend for four reasons. He talks of favors in the past and in the future. He mounts empty phrases of goodwill. And when something needs to be done in the present, he pleads inability owing to some disaster.

Somebody says, I'll take you to the airport. Oh, my car's in the shop. They promise to help you out and then suddenly something happens. There are always excuses. The flatterer can be seen to be a false friend for four reasons. He assents to bad actions. He descends from good actions. He praises you to your face and he disparages you behind your back.

The fellow spendthrift can be seen to be a false friend for four reasons. He is a companion when you indulge in strong drink, when you haunt the streets at unfitting times, when you frequent fairs, and when you indulge in gambling. Thus the Blessed One spoke, and Tathagata, having spoken, added, The friend who seeks what he can get, the friend who talks but empty words, the friend who merely flatters you, the friend who is a fellow wastrel. These four are really foes, not friends. The wise man recognizing this should hold himself aloof from them, as from some path of panic fear.

Householder son, there are these four types who can be seen to be loyal friends. The friend who is a helper is one. The friend who is the same time, who is the same in happy and unhappy times is one. The friend who points out what is good for you is one. And the friend who is sympathetic is one.

This is your kalyana mitta, your spiritual friend, somebody who looks out for you, somebody who seeks your benefit. The helpful friend can be seen to be loyal in four ways. He looks after you when you are inattentive. He looks after your possessions when you are inattentive. Inattentive here means when you're drunk. He is a refuge when you are afraid, and when some business is to be done, he lets you have twice what you ask for. That's a very rare friend.

The friend who is the same in happy and unhappy times can be seen to be a loyal friend in four ways. He tells you his secrets. He guards your secrets. He does not let you down in misfortune. He would even sacrifice his life for you. The friend who points out what is good for you can be seen to be a loyal friend in four ways.

He keeps you from wrongdoing. He supports you in doing good. He informs you of what you did not know, and he points out the path to heaven. The path to heaven, he says, because lay people at that time were not concerned with vimutti. They were not concerned with liberation from samsara. They were concerned with having heavenly delights, being in the devalokas, the sensual heavens. Actually, Sariputta was reprimanded for this by the Buddha when he went to give a discourse, and that discourse allowed those people to go into

A Brahma Loka or a Devaloka, whatever it might have been. And the Buddha said, you should have led them all the way to nibbana. You should have shown them the way to nibbana. But at that time, most lay people were not interested in that. Most lay people were interested in having fun and enjoying themselves. Nothing wrong with that. But there are ways in which one can have fun in a wholesome way, in a way that does not cause harm to oneself or to others.

That's the way to understand how to live your life as a layperson. Does what I do harm myself? Does what I do to others harm others? So understand it in that way. Do no harm to yourself and do no harm to others in mind, body, and speech. The sympathetic friend can be seen to be a loyal friend in four ways.

He does not rejoice at your misfortune. He rejoices at your good fortune. He stops others who speak against you, and he commends others who speak in praise of you. Thus said the Blessed One. And the Tathagata, having spoken thus, added, The friend who is a helper, and the friend in times both good and bad, the friend who shows the way that's right, the friend who's full of sympathy.

These four kinds of friends the wise should know at their true worth, and he should cherish them with care, just like a mother with her dearest child. The wise man, trained and disciplined, shines out like a beacon fire. He gathers wealth just as the bee gathers honey, and it grows like an anthill higher yet. With wealth so gained, the layman can be devoted to his people's good.

He should divide his wealth in four. This will bring most advantage. One part he may enjoy at will. Two parts he should put to work. The fourth part he should set aside as reserve in times of need. Now this is very interesting. He says, he gathers wealth just as the bee gathers honey and it grows like an anthill higher yet. The wise man, what does that mean? Somebody who keeps their precepts, somebody who remains generous with their time, with their effort, with their wealth, continues to accumulate wealth

because he makes friends, right? In any kind of business you're in, in any kind of career you're in. The way to make more money is through your relationships with people, the networks that you have. And you should build and connect with networks, not only for making money, but really being friends with them. Don't misuse your friends. Don't misuse your networks. Connect with them, for the sake of connecting with them. The wealth will build on top of that. That should be the icing on the cake. That should be the cherry on top. That should be after the fact of making friends with these people.

And then he talks about how to divide your wealth. His advice here is to say that one part he may enjoy at will. So 25% do whatever you want. Take that vacation, buy that Rolls Royce, buy whatever it is that you want to buy. Two parts he should put to work. 50% should be going towards the management of your life, paying your bills. Doing whatever needs to be done to maintain your life.

The fourth part, he should set aside as a reserve in times of need. This is the Buddha saying it, right? I'm not a financial advisor. But you should use this as general advice. Always save something. It will always be useful because there's a certain psychology to that. When you save your money, you know that you have that money for any kind of emergencies.

So you can take better risks in your business, take better risks in your career. And the whole point is to understand that there is this way of spending money. There's a way of making money and there's a way of spending money. If you have a mind that is filled with equanimity, if you have a mind that is filled with contentment, your mind will be very rational.

It won't be filled with all of this craving that says, I need to go buy that right now. I just saw that on TV, I have to order it right now. Or somebody was telling me about this product, I have to get it right away. Oh, there's a discount, I have to go get this. There's a sale going on, I have to go get that. Your mind will not be agitated by those things.

You'll be very smart in the way that you spend your money. You'll be very reasonable and rational with it. And how, householder's son, does a noble disciple protect the six directions? These six things are to be regarded as the six directions. The East denotes mother and father. The south denotes teachers. The west denotes wife and children. The north denotes friends and companions.

The nadir denotes servants, workers, and helpers. The zenith denotes ascetics and brahmins. There are five ways in which one should minister to their mother and father as the eastern direction. They should think, having been supported by them, I will support them. I will perform their duties for them. I will keep up the family tradition. I will be worthy of my heritage.

After my parents' death, I will distribute gifts on their behalf. Here are the five ways in which the parents, so ministered to by their child, as the eastern direction, will reciprocate. They will restrain them from evil, support them in doing good, teach them some skill, find them a suitable partner, and in due time hand over the inheritance to them. In this way the eastern direction is covered, making it at peace and free from fear.

Now obviously this is very much a cultural thing, because in ancient India, and even now in India, the idea is that parents should take care of, or kids should take care of their parents at old age, right? And even to this day, parents still seek out a suitable partner for their kids when they're old enough, when they're ready to get married. So arranged marriage over there is a whole process in which the parents sit down with the parents of the other person and then they talk and find out if they're suitable and all of these things. There are different ways that they do it, but you have to understand this to be a cultural thing. What you should take away from it is there should be a give and take of love and support between the parent and the child.

Even if your parent was somebody who was not so ideal, you should still be grateful for them, because they brought you into this life, and this life is an opportunity to experience awakening. So for that in itself, you can be grateful to them. You don't necessarily need to give in to their ways if they're abusive and things like that. No, but don't hate them either. If you have any hatred for parents who were abusive, or whatever might have happened, then use forgiveness, because hatred is not worth it. It's just going to consume you, and it's going to inform your decisions in whatever it is that you do. You always try to run away from what your parents did.

And in doing so, you'll do exactly what your parents did. There are five ways in which pupils should minister to their teachers as the southern direction. When they're talking about teachers, they're talking about not spiritual teachers, just teachers in general. By rising to greet them, by waiting on them, by being attentive, by serving them, by mastering the skills they teach.

And there are five ways in which their teachers, thus ministered to by their pupils as the southern direction, will reciprocate. They will give thorough instruction. Make sure they have grasped what they should have duly grasped. Give them a thorough grounding in all skills. Recommend them to their friends and colleagues, and provide them with security in all directions.

In this way, the southern direction is covered, making it at peace and free from fear. In ancient India, and even now, and in some places, you'll find what are known as gurukulams. Gurukulam is where the word curriculum comes from. This is where you would have teachers who would take in students and teach them all of the different things that they need to know. But the students would stay at the teacher's gurukulam. The gurukulam was a large place, and everybody had their own place to stay, all the students. And it was the teacher's responsibility to make sure that the students were well taken care of, that they were well fed, that they were ministered to, and all of these other things.

Okay, the next part I'm going to read. Remember, it's also a cultural thing. So this can be related to man and woman, man and man, woman and man, woman and woman, or whatever you want to do. There are five ways in which a husband should minister to his wife as the western direction: by honoring her, by not disparaging her, by not being unfaithful to her, by giving authority to her, by providing her with adornments.

And there are five ways in which a wife, thus ministered to by her husband as the western direction, will reciprocate: by properly organizing her work, by being kind to the servants, by not being unfaithful, by protecting stores, and by being skillful and diligent in all she has to do. In this way, the western direction is covered, making it at peace and free from fear.

Here it's all about roles, in that partnership, in that relationship. Even the wife can play the role of the husband, or the husband can play the role of the wife. There are stay-at-home dads, stay-at-home moms, and so on and so forth. This was obviously from a cultural context, but this can still be adhered to no matter what the partnership is or what the relationship looks like.

There are five ways in which a man should minister to his friends and companions as the northern direction: by gifts, by kindly words, by looking after their welfare, by treating them like himself, and by keeping his word. And there are five ways in which friends and companions, thus ministered to by a man as the northern direction, will reciprocate.

By looking after him when he is inattentive, by looking after his property when he is inattentive, by being a refuge when he is afraid, by not deserting him when he is in trouble, and by showing concern for his children. In this way, the northern direction is covered, making it at peace and free from fear. There are five ways in which a master should minister to his servants and work people as the nadir. I think we can update this to mean business people, business owners and their employees, employers and their employees.

By arranging their work according to their strength, by supplying them with food and wages, by looking after them when they are ill. Well, I don't know about that nowadays. Healthcare. By sharing special delicacies with them. I don't know about that either, but maybe bonuses. And by letting them off work at the right time. And there are five ways in which servants and work people thus ministered to by their master as the nadir will reciprocate.

Again, take this with a grain of salt. They will get up before him, go to bed after him, take only what they are given, do their work properly, and be bearers of his praise and good repute. In this way the nadir is covered, making it at peace and free from fear. There are five ways in which a man should minister to ascetics and Brahmins as the zenith. Now, when they talk about ascetics and Brahmins, they talk about shramanas. Shramanas were basically the wanderers. So that included the monastics of the Dhamma, the Buddhas, Bhikkhus, and Bhikkhunis, but also other wanderers, other ascetics, other Brahmins and things like that. And so this is how he should minister to them.

By kindness in bodily deeds, speech and thought, by keeping open house for them, by supplying their needs. And the ascetics and Brahmins thus ministered to by him as the zenith will reciprocate in six ways: they will restrain him from evil, encourage him to do good, be benevolently compassionate towards him, teach him what he has not heard, clarify what he has heard, and point out to him the way to heaven. Again, the lay people were always more about heaven.

In this way, the zenith is covered, making it at peace and free from fear. Thus the Blessed One spoke, and the Tathagata, having spoken, added: Mother, father are the east, teachers are the southward point. Wife and children are the west, friends and colleagues are the north. Servants and workers are below, ascetics, brahmins are above. These directions all should be honored by a clansman true. He who is wise and disciplined, kindly and intelligent, humble, free from pride, such a one may honor again. Early rising, scorning sloth, unshaken by adversity, of faultless conduct, ready wit. Such a one may honor gain, making friends and keeping them, welcoming no stingy host, a guide, philosopher, and friend. Such a one may honor gain, giving gifts and kindly speech, a life well spent for others' good, even-handed in all things.

Impartial, as each case demands. These things make the world go around, like the chariot's axle pin. If such things did not exist, no mother from her son would get any honor and respect, nor father either, as their due. But since these qualities are held by the wise in high esteem, they are given prominence and are rightly praised by all. At these words, Sigalaka said to the Blessed One: Excellent, Master Gautama, excellent! It is as if somewhere someone were to set up what had to be knocked down or what had been knocked down, or to point out the way to one who had lost the way, or to bring an oil lamp into a dark place so that those with eyes could see what was there. Just so, the Master Gautama has expounded the Dhamma in various ways.

May the Master Gautama accept me as a lay follower from this day forth, as long as life shall last. These are some of the general recommendations for when you are in the lay life. You will find that if you follow these directions, your life will actually run pretty smoothly, even when it's met with challenges, because your mind remains open, compassionate, forgiving, equanimous, content.

Now, when you are out there in the lay life, you can still continue to meditate. You can still continue to keep your practice. I recommend a minimum of one hour a day. And if it's possible, two hours. And if it's possible, three hours. And if it's possible, once a week, or once every other week, do a self-retreat.

Close off yourself to the whole world and just do a self-retreat. You'll find that this meditation practice, the more you do it, the more it has a cumulative effect. And the more it becomes easier, it becomes much easier for you to just get into the practice. You're able to just fall into equanimity, fall into loving kindness, and just do the practice.

Commit to doing it every day. And commit to keeping the precepts. That's essential. That's vital. That's non-negotiable. Because it's going to purify your mind. And the more purified your mind is, the more settled your mind is. The more settled your mind is, the better decisions you'll make, the better choices you'll make, the more wholesome choices you'll make.

Bhante used to always talk about taking care of the Dhamma, and the Dhamma will take care of you. Taking care of the Dhamma just means keeping your precepts, committing to the practice, maintaining your mindfulness, sending loving kindness to all beings, being compassionate and forgiving to all, being equanimous in situations that keep the mind agitated, celebrating in other people's joys. This is empathetic joy. So what you have now are a set of tools that you can use in every moment, starting with the six R's: noticing when there's craving, when there's aversion, when there's thought and torpor, when there's doubt, when there's restlessness, and letting go of those and coming back to a more collected mind.

Noticing when there's ill will, using the six R's and bringing up loving kindness. Noticing when there is a desire to lash out at someone, recognizing that, using the six R's and bringing up compassion and forgiveness. Noticing when the mind becomes envious and jealous, and letting go of that and bringing up empathetic joy. Noticing when the mind becomes restless and agitated.

Letting go of that and bringing up equanimity. The power of loving kindness you can start to see. You can start to manifest in your lives. There are so many stories of people who've done this. Who've sent loving kindness to where there were arguments. And people suddenly felt it and started to become calmer. Notice how your mind is now when you get to the airport.

Do you smile at the attendant? Do you smile at everyone that's there? Do you smile at the pilot or whoever it is? Do you keep that smile going? Do you keep that loving and kind nature going? Do you keep that empathetic joy going? And so on. So there's no such thing as on retreat and off retreat.

You can choose to be always on retreat in your mind. I will stop now. Any questions? This is Digha Nikaya 31. May suffering ones be suffering free. May the fear-struck fearless be. May the grieving shed all grief, and may all beings find relief. May all beings share this merit that we have thus acquired for the acquisition of all kinds of happiness. May beings inhabiting space and earth, devas and nagas of mighty power, share this merit of ours. May they long protect the Buddha's dispensation. Thank you.