June 13 -Day 9...Last Day Talk With Delson Armstrong

We made it. We survived. Some of you have been asking me in the interviews about, what do I do after retreat? How do I keep my practice going? Are there any suttas I should be reading? Anything I should be doing to keep going. I'll address all of this. And I want to start off with a statement that I heard Bhante Vimalaramsi say many times.

When you take care of the Dhamma, the Dhamma takes care of you. And you may wonder, what does that mean when you take care of the Dhamma, the Dhamma takes care of you? What do we mean by Dhamma? What is it that we're taking care of? The monastic community has continued on for these many two and a half millennia, keeping the teachings of the Buddha going through oral transmission, through writing down the suttas, and we have a strong Sangha community in Burma, in Sri Lanka, in Thailand, in Cambodia, and elsewhere in the world.

And they take care of the Dhamma. They do their best to keep the teachings going. But what is our responsibility as laypeople? How do we take care of the Dhamma? The very first way of taking care of the Dhamma is taking care of ourselves and taking care of others. Because when we take care of our own needs, our own requirements, our own, let's say, deficits in our personality, we become better contributors to the world around us. And by doing so, we take care of others in our own way.

Taking care of others can mean an expression of generosity. It can mean being compassionate. It can mean celebrating in people's joys. It means having equanimity towards those who wish to disturb our peace. And to be compassionate doesn't mean that we don't have any boundaries. To have loving-kindness doesn't mean that we let people walk all over us. This is not what it means to be loving and kind and compassionate.

To be loving and kind is to be a friend to yourself and a friend to the world. And when you are friends with someone, you don't seek anything from them. It's not a conditional relationship. You're just happy to spend time with them, to spend time in their company. To be a friend to yourself is to enjoy your own company.

People try to run away from their own company. And they distract themselves in so many different ways. Can we sit with ourselves and be able to enjoy being alone, being with ourselves, enjoying our own company? And enjoying the company of others, having that ability to be secluded even in the most crowded, loudest spaces. One good test is to go to Varanasi. Varanasi is where the Buddha gave his first sermon.

And I doubt Varanasi was anything like it was during the time of the Buddha. It's a smorgasbord of civilization. And we see that in many urban populations. It's a melting pot of many different cultures, traditions, ideas, ideologies, concepts, religions, and somehow it all kind of is this controlled chaos. But how do we fit into all of it?

We continue to stay in the lay life, which means we have certain responsibilities to ourselves and to the people that may depend on us. And when we are able to take care of ourselves and the people that depend on us, we are actualizing compassion. We're actualizing joy. We're actualizing equanimity. Because absolutely, when you are in any kind of relationship, you are exchanging so many different kinds of karma.

A relationship with yourself, a relationship with others, these different dynamics are karma. And they allow us to see and test the limits of our practice. This is just another way of saying if you think you're enlightened, go spend a week with your family. But that's what lay life is. It's about learning how to deal with different kinds of situations. And by the way, it's not like the monastics are immune to this either. They have their own little way of dealing with their monastic life.

And there are rivalries, there's competition, there's "how come he didn't bow to me?" "How come he didn't say this?" "How come this happened?" And that's okay. That's the personality. That's the way that we learn and reflect on what needs to be addressed and how to address it. The monastic life comes with its own challenges and the lay life comes with its own challenges, and having chosen the lay life we realize that we live in a world of different kinds of exchanges: of emotions, of generosity, of feelings, and of karma.

So when we are able to be compassionate, we can just hold space for another person, a group of people. But it's important to keep your boundaries. What does that mean, keep your boundaries? It means to... I'm not going to take any questions or comments right now. That's a boundary right there, right? It means to understand what you're willing to accept and not willing to accept, ultimately what is compassionate for yourself as well. You can't sacrifice yourself for others. The Buddha never did that. We can't idealize the Buddha in that way, or any awakened being. There's one of my favorite suttas, the one that I often quote, the Bhaddali Sutta. Right?

He was quite clear on his boundaries. Bhaddali was after him. Come on, please, teach me. I might die. I have to go for lunch right now. But out of compassion he realized this guy really needs help, so let me set the bowl aside and talk to him. So for our own lives, in our own challenges, we should learn how to keep boundaries.

For our own sanity. When we celebrate in other people's joys, what are we actually doing? We're bringing joy up for ourselves. We are able to empathize with people in a positive manner. This is the beauty of our human nature. Or you could say mammalian nature. To empathize with others. And the Buddha has said this, that in order for us to succeed on this path, in order for us to evolve on this path, we need that empathy. We need that ability to keep the precepts, which is all about do no harm to others and do no harm to yourself.

Walk in other people's shoes. How would it affect them if I were to do this? And when you do that, you start to become more clear about how the mind works. Because you're not just thinking about yourself, you're thinking about others. You're seeing and recognizing the suffering in others, if there is suffering. You're seeing and recognizing the joy in others through empathetic joy, when there is joy to be celebrated.

And when all else fails, equanimity. Some people are just plain jerks. There's nothing you can do about it. The only thing we can do is look at our own reactions and our own responses and have equanimity. In some sense, those people may have failed to meet our expectations, so we let go of expectations. That's what upekkha is.

Let go of expecting a certain outcome, a certain kind of behavior, a certain way of being and thinking from another person. So that essentially means being an island unto yourself. Having compassion for others, but also being an island unto yourself. This is the part where we understand that we do no harm, but we don't let others cross our boundaries.

And when we can remain in equanimity, we can remain, for the most part, non-reactive. Which means we don't add to the fuel that leads to the fires of suffering. And through equanimity, yes, we may feel annoyance, we may feel frustration, we may feel irritation. And we are allowed to do that completely. Because all of these are just unpleasant sensations.

In our minds, they are reactions to the situation and to the person. But when we catch this and allow ourselves to recognize it, acknowledge it, accept it, see it for what it is, experience it, then what we're doing is staying with the feeling, acknowledging it, right? But then we realize, this is just detrimental to me. So, for those of you who want to know about one of the suttas that I recommend, Majjhima Nikaya 19, the Two Kinds of Thought. In there, the Buddha says, This thought is detrimental to me and detrimental to others.

Is harmful to me and harmful to others. Not beneficial to me and not beneficial for others. Suppose I were to let it go. So he didn't get aversive to the experience. He allowed it to be there. He saw it. He recognized it. He experienced it. And then he realized, this isn't working. So, what did he do? He let it go, according to that sutta. And you've replaced it with that which is beneficial, that which is harmless, that which does not cause harm to oneself or harm to another.

And so this process of reconditioning, this process of the four right efforts, this process of the 6R's can be found in the sutta, Majjhima Nikaya 19, the Two Kinds of Thought. And in realizing that he now, in the meditation, experiences the thoughts that are beneficial, the thoughts that are harmless, the thoughts that cause no harm, he said, suppose I continue to just hold onto them, it would tire me out.

In other words, even in meditation, don't hold onto anything. Just rest in it. It comes and goes. Loving-kindness comes and goes. Compassion comes and goes. Joy comes and goes. Equanimity comes and goes. So what we are training ourselves to do is just being present and bringing up the causes and conditions and then getting out of the way.

And making small adjustments. And the analogy he uses is like the herdsman who tends to the cows. Knowing the cows are there, grazing on the field, but won't be going beyond. He just is aware of them. That's how you are with loving-kindness. That's how you are with compassion. That's how you are with any of your objects of meditation.

Objects of meditation. It's enough to know that it's present. It's enough to let the mind be in it and stay with it. So, this is samadhi. This is bhavana, development of the mind. So, coming back to that question, how do you take care of the Dhamma? Keeping precepts. Do no harm, but maintain your boundaries. Have compassion for yourself and others, but do not be self-sacrificing.

And samadhi is the next part. This is how you do samadhi. Let the cows of the mind graze as they are. You're watchful of them. You're mindful of them. This is a process in which we are at ease in sukha, in comfort, in tranquility. Don't worry about jhanas, don't worry about nibbana, don't worry about, "Am I doing this right? Is something going wrong? I don't seem like I'm progressing.

Should I go after determinations? Should I do this? Should I do that? No. That's again just the part of your mind that feels like it needs to do something. All we're doing with this practice is occupying that mind so that it relaxes, and we are in that space where the mind is free, rid of all barriers, free of distractions, and watchful. Sariputta was asked after he became an arahant, what is your practice now?

And he said, my practice now is the four foundations of mindfulness. Which means just remaining aware, having presence of mind, and being completely void of any control over what is arising and passing away. Just watching, observing. And as you do this, your mind will teach you how it creates its own traps. How it creates its own reality.

How it creates its own pain, its own suffering, its own illusions of joy and happiness, and so on. And that's what is wisdom. The development of pragya, or panya. To be established in wisdom means to understand how the mind works. And that is dependent upon how you watch the mind, with that sati. Sati here is the mindfulness, the word I don't like.

And so it all starts with sila, doing no harm, being kind to oneself, being kind to others. This is how you take care of the Dhamma: sila, samadhi, panya. This is what we have been training for on this retreat. Everything that has arisen will pass away, just like this retreat. You have seen how the mind challenges itself, but what is it that is challenging?

It's the sense of self that believes that it needs to be in control. It's the sense of self that feels like it needs to know everything that goes on. Why? For what? Because that conceit, that mana, that comparative mind is always seeking a better way. Because it needs to be in control, because control feels secure in a world that is out of control, in a world that is unstable.

We need to have that sense of control. But when we come to the realization that the world will always be unstable, will always be uncontrollable, and that there is nothing in this world that the mind can land upon safely, then we just let go of all notions of that. And then we find security in Nibbana. Nibbana is not a thing, it's not a destination, it's not a place, it's not a dimension, it's not an object, it's not a process, and yet it's all of these things.

Because our mind makes it all of these things. It's wonderful that the Buddha called it Nibbana, because this process of his is a process of via negativa, the way through negation. Nirvana means no forest. The forest is filled with logs, wood that is fuel for the fires of greed, hatred, and delusion. Nirvana also means nipapancha, non-proliferation, non-conceptualizations.

You're letting go of everything. What remains? The problem is, whatever remains, the mind wants to control that too. Wants to make it mine. Wants to make it about me. Wants to see it as self, as myself. Nibbana is, in mundane terms, a mind free of any kinds of concepts. It's the non-conceptual mind. And yet the irony is we all have a concept of what that non-conceptual mind is.

We all think we know what that means. But it's a process of continuous letting go of all notions of self in relation to any experience. Because we can't control the experience, we can't control the environment, we can't control people, we can't control behavior, but we can see through wisdom how the mind creates its own suffering by supplanting a sense of self.

When we do our mundane tasks, it's okay to do it in a way that is, okay, this is what I need to do now, let me do it. And this is where the second part of the Bahiya Sutta comes in. In the seen, there's only the seen. In the heard, there's only the heard. In the feeling, there's only the feeling. In the cognized, there's only the cognized. In the thinking, there's only the thinking.

When there is no you in that, then there is no you by that, Bahiya. When there is no you by that, there is no you before that. There is no you surrounding any of that process. When you just see things as a process, there is just the seeing, there is just the hearing, there is just the thinking, there is just the cognizing.

And when you do this, your mind ceases conceptualizing a self in relation to any perception and feeling. There is only feeling and there is only perception, without the sense of ownership, the sense of doership. And this is akin to a state of flow. Everything happens in its own way, by its own causes and conditions, as a process.

This is the realization of wisdom. Wisdom is not about memorizing how many links there are, what the names of the links are, what the Pali words for those links are, whether those links come in this direction or that direction, how interconnected they are, and, you know, what the five aggregates are, what the order of the five aggregates is, how they arise, where they go. The realization of wisdom is dependent upon knowing all this to the extent of experience, not for theoretical knowledge. Seeing and experiencing for yourself the impersonal nature of the links of dependent origination and the five aggregates allows the mind to fully let go

and allow the process of feeling and perception to continue without any interference from conceit, craving, ignorance, sense of self. If we can see this in our mundane tasks, like writing an email, or driving our car to the office, or riding the subway, or, tomorrow, all of you, or most of you, are going to be going to the airport.

If you can see where your mind is in that process. When you're waiting in line to check in, when you're waiting at the TSA, when you're waiting at the gate, is there waiting for what? Waiting for the next thing. And then when you have the next thing, you wait for the next thing. And when you have the next thing, then you wait for the next thing.

This is samsara. This is craving. Or we have a friend that we can talk to, to distract ourselves from the waiting, so we think we can pass the time by just talking about this or that, but that's distraction. How about no waiting? Is it possible to be in line without waiting, to be able to see where the mind is when you're walking while others are running to the gate, afraid that they're going to miss their flight?

That reminds me of the Jim Gaffigan joke. What was that? I hope I don't butcher this joke. I think he says something like, he says, he's walking in the airport and he sees people just running to the gate and he thinks, I hope they miss their flight. Then they'll learn. They'll learn how to manage their time.

Can we be in the world and still feel that same level of seclusion? Probably not. Because as we continue on with our day, as we continue on with our office work, as we continue with whatever it is that we do in our mundane, regular lives outside of retreat, there's a whole bunch of things vying for our attention.

Our relationships, our tasks, our responsibilities, and all of that. And that's okay. That's fine. But does there need to be a sense of unease in those experiences? Is it possible for us to tend to our relationships and our work tasks in a way that has ease? In a way where we can relax into the experience. Do just the task. Okay, I have 30 minutes to do this task. Or I have allotted 30 minutes for this task.

Can I, in those 30 minutes, for at least half that time, be with just the task? I can 6R the distractions and come back to just my task. When I'm having dinner with my friends or with family, can I just be with them without thinking and getting distracted about this or that? Can I use what is coming into my life as sources for the brahmaviharas?

When I see the news, when I see whatever is going on in the world, can I use that as a platform to experience compassion? Or at the very least, see how my mind reacts to them, reacts to this president or this president or that politician or this person, or something happens here or something happens there? Can I see how my mind brings up these reactions?

And can I notice how they are either useful or harmful towards me? And can I choose to let go of the harmful? How do I know something is unwholesome? How do I know something is harmful? Because it tightens the mind. It creates a sense of anxiety where I need to control. And my reactions are the only way I feel control.

How do I know something is wholesome? When my mind feels content. And my mind feels expanded. My mind feels reactionless, non-reactive. So let me give you some suttas that you guys can study if you want when you go back. There are a few suttas that are, suttas you may have heard Bhante read or I read, or you may have come across in different studies on TWIM. When we talk about dealing with distractions, I told you Majjhima Nikaya 19, the two kinds of thoughts. Majjhima Nikaya 2, Sabbasava Sutta. When we talk about

the Eightfold Path, when we say the Eightfold Path, what is the Eightfold Path? Right view, right intention, right speech, right action, right livelihood, right effort, right mindfulness, right collectedness. Many suttas on this. One of the suttas I like to read is Majjhima Nikaya 117, the Great 40. It talks about the wrong path and the right path, but also the mundane Eightfold Path and the supramundane Eightfold Path.

So that's a good one, to understand the Eightfold Path. For jhanas, of course, one of the ones that we like to use is Majjhima Nikaya 111, Anupada Sutta, one by one, as they arose. There is another sutta, I can't remember the number, but it's called the Ataka Nagara Sutta, which is the man from Ataka, the city of Ataka.

And it shows how one gets into the jhanas and lets go of controlling where one is, because one sees the impermanent nature of each of these jhanas. It also talks about the brahmaviharas. Speaking of the brahmaviharas, the Mettasahagata Sutta is another sutta to check out. And then when you want to go into understanding dependent origination, there is Majjhima Nikaya 38.

There's Majjhima Nikaya 9, which I usually like to read from because it's pretty extensive. There is Samyutta Nikaya 12.23, which is not just dependent origination, but transcendental dependent origination. And if you want to go deeper into the understanding of jhanas and cessation, which I know some of you really do want to do, you can go into Majjhima Nikaya 43 and 44, and Samyutta Nikaya 41.6 and 41.7. Another great sutta is the penetrative discourse, which is Anguttara Nikaya 6.63, which also talks about karma and how we can cease karma, among other things.

So I think these are good starting points for you guys to check out. In terms of books, selfless, not selfless, selfish plugs. There's Mind Without Craving. There's the books on dependent origination. And there's David's book, The Path to Nibbana. He's got to work on another book. I keep telling you he has to work on another book, but...

Yeah. Need more plugs, man. I forgot the Nibbana. I just can't go back. Once you go back, you can, yeah. Once you go there. Those books, and then there's the Moving Dhamma series, which is a great series of talks by Ban Ting. There's a volume one and volume two. So these are some books. I really like Doug Craft's book, Buddha's Map, which is a great explanation of the jhanas as well.

And outside of that, one of the books that I'm partial to is Progressive Stages of Meditation on Emptiness. And this is what inspired me to do the Five Aggregate Meditation. And it goes even deeper into understanding emptiness at very subtle levels of subject and object and so on. And outside of that, there are the books by... What's his name? No, it's the Magic of the Mind guy. What is it? His Nibbana, the Mind Still series, great books. There was The Magic of the Mind, I think that was the one I said, and there was another one he did that Bhante always talked about, which was Concept and Reality. That one is that guy. He really goes deep into it. It's really, really deep.

So these are great, and then he just mentioned Stephen Levine. He has a book called Who Dies, which is a great book. So these are some recommendations for you guys, so I'll just leave you with that. When we take care of the Dhamma, the Dhamma takes care of us. When we keep our precepts, when we develop the mind by understanding how it works and cultivate wisdom, this is how we take care of the Dhamma. And the sila means having compassion for ourselves and others, seeing how best we can contribute for our own welfare and the welfare of other beings.

I think we can end it there. May suffering ones be suffering free, and the fear struck fearless be. May the grieving shed all grief, and may all beings find relief. May all beings share this merit that we have thus acquired for the acquisition of all kinds of happiness. May beings inhabiting space and earth, devas and nagas of mighty power share this merit of ours. May they long protect the Buddha's dispensation.