Day 1: Introduction and Meditation Instructions

Okay, good. It's nice to see most of you are smiling, so that's a good start. Good start. So you will hear me say over and over until you are bored to death, smile, laugh, have fun. That's very important for this retreat. Because understand what we're doing with this retreat is it's not about doing some kind of work, right? The practice is about letting go. The practice is about letting things be as they are, not fighting with them. The moment you make this practice into work, then you're creating resistance in your mind. You're creating something that you have to do. Instead, if your attitude to the practice is that it's a game. Treat it like a game.

Our teacher Bhante Vimalaramsi would say that often, to make it fun. Treat it like a game. Have fun with it. Have an adventure with it. So, just a show of hands, how many of you are beginners, completely new to the practice? Okay. And how many are doing the Six Directions? And how many are doing the spiritual friend? Okay. All right. So I'll start with the beginning instructions. Very simple. First and foremost, you want to find a good place to sit, whether it's on a cushion or in a chair. There is no magic in sitting like this or sitting in full lotus. I prefer to sit this way because I grew up sitting this way. It is the most comfortable for me.

But you can sit in a chair and use all the cushions that you can get. We have our respected Venerable Obasa, who is an expert in chair management systems. She can tell you what cushions to use, what you need, what's out of balance. So please consult her if you need any suggestions. So, once you find a good sitting position, you want to sit straight. You don't have to be very straight, but you want to be able to sit in a way that doesn't cause you to flop over like this, right? So, sit. You can lean back. That's fine, too, in your chair. Ideally, what would be good is if your tailbone was slightly elevated, right?

So, your tailbone is a little like this, of leaning forward a little bit. That creates less pressure on your lower back and around your rib cage, which is where a lot of the tension can be. So just some practical things for that. Now, when you sit, you close your eyes and you will put a little smile on your face. This is important, very important. Well, here we don't see the smile of the Buddha, but generally if you see a statue or an image of the Buddha, he has a little smile on his face, and that's because he's happy. That's because he has experienced the release or relief from suffering. And so what we're doing is we're reverse engineering that with this practice by starting with a little bit of a smile. So you smile, and you smile with your eyes, and you smile with your heart. And then for about five, maybe ten minutes at the most, a body scan.

Just notice how your body is. Is there any tightness and tension anywhere in the body? And just release that. Allow the mind to soften that. Once you see that, you'll notice immediately your mind is actually already very collected. And so now you're ready to engage with the object of meditation. Your object of meditation here, the retreat that we're doing, is really the Brahma Viharas. Brahma means divine or uplifted or noble, and Vihara means abode. So it's a quality of mind. It's a state of mind that you are starting to cultivate through this practice. And so there are four Brahma Viharas. There is metta, or loving kindness, or compassion. There is mudita, or empathetic joy. And there is equanimity, right?

So upekkha, or equanimity. Now, you don't have to choose any of the Brahma Viharas. You will experience them naturally, automatically, in a progression. You start off with metta. So what does metta feel like? What is metta? Because metta has been translated as loving kindness, it's been translated as benevolence, it's been translated as goodwill, it's been translated as friendliness. Metta essentially is a sincere wish for the happiness of other beings. May all beings be happy. And you start with yourself. How do you start that? How do you bring up the metta? What does it feel like? The metta can feel like a warm glow in the heart.

So you could use statements in your mind, mentally. You could say, may I be happy, may I be well, may I be free of suffering, may I be filled with this loving kindness, and say that a couple of times, and you might start to notice that warmth in your heart. You know when you watch a really feel-good movie, right, and everything is a happy ending at the end of the movie, and you feel so warm and happy? Or during Christmas time, outside of the stress of shopping, which happens a lot in the U.S., by the way, but outside of that, giving a gift to someone. How does that feel? You know, being with your loved ones, celebrating the holidays, how does that feel? That's the quality of feeling that you want to engage with, that you want to bring up. So that can also be brought up in another way, which is wholesome

imagery. So thinking about something that makes you happy, maybe holding a baby in your arms, as long as that baby isn't crying, right? It's a happy baby, or a puppy, or a kitten, or a wholesome memory, some childhood memory or some significant memory that brought you a lot of happiness when you think about it. It will start to cultivate that warmth. And the third way you can do it is by doing a gratitude practice, right? Very, very simple. Just for about four or five minutes, think about the things that you are grateful for. And you can start small, right, as small as saying you're grateful for the food that you have, the clothes on your back, you're grateful for the friends that you have, the relationships you've cultivated. Or think back on the good that you've done in your life, right, and let that

allow the feeling to arise, to be generated in the heart. Now, once you feel that warmth in your heart, you can let go of the verbalizing of words like may I be happy. You can let go of the imagery or the wholesome memories. You can let go of the gratitude practice, and now you just rest your awareness on the feeling of loving kindness in your heart. And you stay there for 10 minutes, at least 10 minutes. Now, how do you time that? Well, just use your mind. Use your best judgment. Use your discretion for that. Now, for the beginners and those who are doing the spiritual friend, you want to sit for at least 30 minutes.

If you can sit longer, please sit longer. I don't know what the meal situation is like, but usually if you want to sit longer past the meal, there will be a plate set out for you. Is that the case? So that's the case. So you don't have to worry about missing a meal or anything. If your sitting is good, keep it going. So first 10 minutes is loving kindness to yourself. Next 10, well, next 20 minutes at least, is to your spiritual friend. Now, who is a spiritual friend? The word spiritual friend can mean that it's somebody who is spiritual, right? And I think that might be a mistranslation of the words kalyana mitta. Kalyana means benevolence, goodwill.

The goodwill that you want for your friend. Mitta here is a friend. So a friend can be anybody: your childhood friend, your best friend. It should not be a family member. It shouldn't be a relative. Generally, it should be of the same sex, and it should be somebody who is alive. So it's somebody who you think about and immediately brings a smile to your face, immediately brings a warmth to your heart. You think about them, and you can, if you're very visually minded, visualize them in front of you, and that your heart is connecting with their heart. Now there's a flow of loving-kindness being sent out to them. If that's too much, you can just imagine that the spiritual friend is in your heart and that they are basking in the glow, in the warmth of the feeling of loving-kindness.

And you stay with the spiritual friend for at least 20 minutes. If you can sit for longer, please sit longer. Now, there are two components. There's the sitting practice and there's the walking practice. The walking practice is very simple. You would walk the same way you would walk down the street, at a normal pace. You don't need to walk slowly trying to figure out every single step. Just walk normally. Try not to get distracted by the outside surroundings. Try to stay with the feeling of loving kindness and keep that going. And so you want to walk for at least 20 minutes, 25 minutes if you can. But try to do longer sits, and then you can break them up by doing the walking.

The walking is supposed to help you cultivate the feeling of loving kindness, no matter what it is that you're doing. So I want you to be able to feel loving kindness in any circumstance, in any situation, for the next days of the retreat. When you are standing in line for food, where is your mind? Is it cultivating loving-kindness? When you are eating your food, where is your mind? Is it with loving-kindness, or is it thinking about this or that? When you are walking, of course, with loving-kindness. If you are admiring the view around you, are you doing it with loving-kindness? If you are brushing your teeth, are you doing it with loving-kindness? And so forth.

Loving-kindness. So tonight when you go to sleep, I want you to make a determination in your mind, say to yourself that when I wake up, the very first thing I'm going to do is wake up with a smile on my face, and keep that smile going as best as you can. Have you heard of the statement fake it till you make it? Yeah. Even if it's a fake smile, the smile will eventually turn into a genuine smile. Because once you do that, what happens is it goes back to the brain, and the brain says, oh, I feel uplifted. And it starts to think about good things. It starts to think about wholesome memories. It starts to think about, you know, the gratitude that you might have.

It starts to think about the good actions that you've produced in your life, no matter how minimal they are. It's good to always recollect the things that you've done that are good in this life. Now, for those of you who are doing the forgiveness practice, because as I understand it, some of you have been prescribed the forgiveness practice already because you've done meditations with a Christian. If you're doing the forgiveness practice, keep doing it. No problem. For those of you who want to do the forgiveness practice before, I would say just wait one or two days and see how the loving kindness starts. And on our first day of interviews, which will be day after tomorrow, I will let you know if you need forgiveness or not. But until then, please try your best with the feeling of loving kindness. For those who are doing the six directions, do the six directions. What are the six directions? Forward, behind you, right, left, below you, above you.

So for the beginners and the spiritual friends, cover your ears. This is not for you. This practice you can do with any of the brahmaviharas. You don't need to start with loving kindness. If it feels like the mind wants to just start with joy, start with joy. If it feels like the mind wants to start with equanimity, start with equanimity. But if the mind feels like it wants to be in quiet mind, please do not be in quiet mind starting now, because that quiet mind can be a mind filled with sloth and torpor. I'll talk about the hindrances a little bit later and expand on them tomorrow. But sloth and torpor is basically where the mind feels tired and dulled out.

And you think you're meditating, but before you know it, you've been in this blank space, this groggy space, having no idea what happened. At the end of it, you're like, oh, where did the mind go? And the attention had waned away somewhere. So if you want to generate the quiet mind, if you are there, please start with radiating in the six directions, any of the brahmaviharas. This is to balance the energy in the mind. And when the mind starts to naturally, organically, automatically go to the quiet mind, then stay with quiet mind, but not before then. So these are the instructions, but the vital aspect of this is how do you deal with distractions?

Because you will deal with distractions. So distractions first have to be understood as your friends, as our teachers. They will shed light on where your attachments are, and where your sources of frustration, of annoyance, of anger, of irritation are. They will shed light on where the mind starts to deviate, where its attention goes. So make friends with your hindrances. The more you do this, the more your attitude will be that, oh, this hindrance is here to, oh, it's only this. Welcome. It's fine, you're here. But now it's time for you to leave, using what are known as the six R's.

Recognize, release, relax, re-smile, return, and repeat. I have reduced those six R's into four R's for simplicity's sake and efficiency's sake. So what you really need are four R's. Recognize that you are distracted. So here you are meditating. And you're feeling the loving kindness and you're staying with the loving kindness. And then all of a sudden your mind drifts somewhere and it goes into a thought loop and starts to daydream about something. And it might do this for about 10, 15, 20 minutes. Okay, no big deal. You notice, oh, my mind went somewhere. You didn't even have to intentionally recognize. Your mind just automatically noticed, oh, it went somewhere. That in itself is the first step.

of recognizing. Noticing that you got distracted. And then you relax. What does it mean to relax? Well, you know what it feels like to be rigid. You know what it feels like to be tight. When you tighten your fists, you can notice the tension. But as soon as you let go, you feel relief. So relaxing is a form of letting go, of experiencing relief. Relaxing is about softening. So when you intend to relax, you've already released your attention from that hindrance and brought it back to the mind and body. And what you are looking for is a softening of any tightness and tension in the head and in the body. Because this tightness and tension is a manifestation of

Craving is a big word. It comes from the word tanha in Pali. Tanha means to thirst. Literally, it means to thirst. But craving is the mindset that takes things seriously. Craving is the mindset that takes things personally. Craving says, this is me, this is mine, this is myself. Craving is that which says, I like it and I want more of it. Or, I don't like it and I want to push it away. This is what craving is. And it is manifested in the body as tightness, as tension. Because what happens is, your mind goes into what's known as fight or flight, which is the pursuit of something. Oftentimes I'll use the example of chocolate cake. So you might like chocolate cake, let's say, and you hear that chocolate cake is going to be there for lunch tomorrow, and you'll look forward to it.

And so now you're in the pursuit of that chocolate cake, and then when you get your slice of chocolate cake, how do you feel? You feel content. You feel relaxed. You feel relief. Or on the flip side of that, you might find out that they're making strawberry cake and you don't like strawberry cake. But you have to eat it. Somehow you run away from it and you feel relief from it. So the relief is what we're after, not the pursuit or satisfaction of the craving. wiring the brain to say, the more I pursue this, the more relief I get. But if you feel relief from the beginning, then there's nothing for you to pursue. So that's what we're after, is relief.

So relaxing tightness and tension in the mind and in the body brings you immediate relief. And the relief might last for maybe half a second. That relief is known as mundane Nibbana, and it feels like the mind is spacious. The awareness is lighter. The body also feels lighter in that moment. And automatically, your mind becomes more uplifted, and you go back to your smile. You notice whether you are smiling or you're not smiling. If you are smiling, okay, great. Then you come back to the feeling of loving-kindness. If you aren't smiling, bring up the smile, of loving kindness. How long does the six hours last? Or how long do these four hours last? No more than two to three seconds.

You got distracted. You notice you were distracted. Recognize. Come back to mind and body. Relax. Feel the relief. That's another second. Come back to the smile. Come back to the feeling. Obviously, you repeat it. So that is implied. Whenever you get distracted. And the more you do this, the more you are practicing the Eightfold Path. Because what this is, is right effort in the path of Buddhism. Right effort doesn't mean that you have to make a strong effort. It doesn't mean that you have to push yourself in the meditation. Right effort essentially is four things. First, it is the recognizing of unwholesome states in the mind. Unwholesome states like distractions, tightness and tension. Second, it is the abandoning of those unwholesome states.

You do that when you relax. Third is to generate a wholesome state of mind. You do that when you bring up the smile. And the fourth is to maintain that wholesome state. And you do that when you return back to your object of meditation, which is in itself wholesome. Whether it's staying with loving kindness to yourself or giving it to a spiritual friend or being in the six directions. So this process of the four R's is something that I will keep repeating to you ad nauseum until it's drilled into your mind, because it is the process of reconditioning the mind and going from unwholesome states to wholesome states of mind. This is the entirety of the path of the Buddha.

Taking that which is unwholesome and transforming it into the wholesome, and letting go of any identification through that process. Not taking it seriously. Not taking it personally. hour, which means you will do each direction for about 45 minutes, and then all directions for the rest of the duration of the sit, so an hour. And if you can sit longer, please sit longer. So this is the practice in a nutshell. The interviews that we will do will be on Sunday, Sunday, so day after tomorrow. And just a little bit about the interviews. I'll tell you a bit more tomorrow as well if you forget. But basically, they are 10-minute interviews. So please use your time wisely.

And I will prompt you with questions so that we get to the point. I am not your therapist. This isn't therapy sessions. This is all about your meditation and what's going on. So I will ask you three particular questions: of meditation, what was your longest sitting, and did anything interesting happen in the sit? And then we will go from there and see what's going on, and then I will give you suggestions, and then you go ahead, unless you have any questions, and then you go ahead. So those will be the interviews. Other than that, this is a noble silence retreat, which means that you have to maintain silence. Please do not talk, because it might disturb others, and it will disturb you.

So some people like to be left in seclusion. Some people like to sit quietly. Please allow that to happen. Do not talk. If you need to pass the salt, then obviously be practical and say, please pass the salt, or whatever it is. But other than that, don't try to engage with any kind of conversations. or Christian will let you know. So just to recap, for the beginners, you have to bring up a feeling that is warm and glowing in your heart. That is the feeling of loving kindness. You can use statements in your mind like, may I be happy, may I be filled with loving kindness. You can use wholesome images or go into your memory bank and think of something that makes you happy, something you did in your life that makes you happy.

You can have gratitude for the things that you have. Once you've locked into that feeling, then let the awareness rest in tune. Don't try to hold on to it. Don't try to make it intense by pushing into it. Just let it be. Even if it's a faint feeling of loving kindness, that's enough. Even one iota of loving kindness is enough. Loving kindness, and you get distracted. What does distraction mean? If you have thoughts in the background, if your mind is aware of thinking about this or that, or things are coming in and out of the background of your mind, but you're still having attention on your loving kindness, then you're not distracted. It's only when your attention is 100% away and going in the direction of the distraction that you are distracted.

And when you notice you're distracted, that's the recognize step. Come back to the body and mind, relax. Re-smile and return. So, first 10 minutes, loving kindness to yourself. The remaining practice is for your spiritual friend. For those who are doing the six directions, start with each individual direction and then build your way to all directions at the same time. In the walking practice, you're staying with the feeling. Keep the feeling going, whatever it is you're doing. Now, there are books in the back. There's the Mind Without Craving book. You can take that at any point you want. In the retreat it's optional, you don't have to read it. And then you have the loving kindness booklet, so that will have all of the instructions that I've already provided for you.

And if you have any questions, Venerable Abbasah is there, Christian is there, and I am there at any point in time during the retreat. Are there any questions now? Yeah. Do you want me to go to the mic? Please. So for those who go for the directions, would they also start with 10 minutes of metta to themselves? I would say yes. That's an option. You don't have to, but it's always good to start with that.

Was everything clear? Yeah? Now you guys will give me a Dhamma talk and tell me exactly what I said, just to make sure that everything is clear. No questions at all? Okay, good. Oh yes, go ahead. If it's metta or karuna or one of the others? Are you doing the six directions? Yes. Would I be sure that I could distinguish, and is that important or not to know? At the time being, no. Whatever you were experiencing, just go with that, and then we will clarify that in the interviews.

Okay. Yes. Would you suggest that we come here for meditating, or could we also do it in our rooms from time to time? Better to, most of the time, please sit here in the hall, because it's a nice energy when everyone's meditating together. But if you at some point want to just be secluded and sit in your own room, or you want to sit outside, by all means you can do that. Okay, thank you.

Yes. I have a good feeling to myself more here. Okay. Will it wander up? It will wander up. Yes, no problem. Yeah. You said we must make the sixth direction in the beginning, but when I see it, the mind has that feeling, so it has such a power. He wants to expand it in all directions from the beginning. That's fine, completely fine. Anyone else? Okay, let's share some merit.

You had one more question? Yeah. The spiritual friend, does it have to be a close friend, or can I take Venerable Obasa? Oh, absolutely. It can be Venerable Obasa. She's a great spiritual friend. Would it be okay? Yes. Okay. And whoever wants to select me as a spiritual friend, please do. I need all the loving kindness I can get.

Yes. I want to offer tomorrow chocolate cakes for all of us. Sadhu, sadhu, sadhu. Wonderful. Just no craving, that's all. Yes, but it's good for the practice. Yes. Okay, let's share some merit. May suffering ones be free from suffering, and the fear-struck be fearless. May the grieving shed all grief, and may all beings find relief. May all beings share this merit that we have thus acquired for the acquisition of all kinds of happiness. May beings inhabiting space and earth, devas and nagas of mighty power, share this merit of ours. May they long protect the Buddha's dispensation. Sadhu, sadhu, sadhu.