Day 2 First Day Blues Japan Retreat Dec 2023

That one is orange though, is that right? That's right. We already started? Okay. Today is day two, which is also known as the first day blues. And the reason is because at some point, another during your practice, you will have met with a lot of what we would call hindrances. So why do we call them hindrances?

They can be known as distractions or hindrances, but they come from the word nivarana in Pali. Nivarana essentially means obstacle or obstruction. is being obstructed. What is the obstacle here? What is going on when you have a distraction? A distraction, remember I told you yesterday, a distraction is whenever your mind's attention is fully away from the object of meditation. So if you have even a small fragment of loving-kindness in your awareness, and there are thoughts in the background, that's okay.

You don't have to do anything. But if your attention goes completely away from the object, and now you're thinking about this or that or the other, then you are said to be distracted. So when we say you are distracted, it means your attention is no longer on its object. is your attention, the ray or light of attention that's beaming out towards the object is obstructed by something. There's an obstacle on your path.

So how do you deal with an obstacle? How do you deal with an obstruction? You have to remove it. But the key is, how do you remove it? Let's say you're driving a car down the road and you see a traffic cone. Do you drive forward and past it? Or do you drive around it? How do you deal with it?

In the same way, when we talk about obstacles or hindrances, we don't push against them. Don't try to fight them. The hindrance that is present in the mind is the reality of the situation. It is the Dhamma of the moment. In other words, it is the phenomena that you have to deal with. It is the truth of the moment.

And for us to try to fight with it will only cause us more suffering. So we might recognize that there is the hindrance. We might recognize that there is the obstacle. But if we just recognize and try to push it away, that comes from an attitude of aversion. I don't like it here. I don't like this hindrance being present.

Or if we indulge in the hindrance, because it is a pleasant experience, maybe we think about something that is pleasing to the mind and we start to get caught up in that. Nostalgic thoughts or thoughts of the past or what it could be in the future, daydreaming and so on. And so the mind gets caught up in it.

And as soon as we recognize it, that flow of getting caught up in it stops. But then how do you deal with it moving forward? It is to let go and to relax. There are the four right efforts that I talked about yesterday. What are those four right efforts? The first right effort is to prevent any unarisen, unwholesome state from arising. The second right effort is to let go or to abandon any already arisen, unwholesome state of mind.

The third right effort is to generate a wholesome state of mind. And the fourth right effort is to maintain the awareness or maintain that wholesome state of mind. So every time you recognize that your mind is distracted, what are you doing? from arising in that moment. All of that momentum of unarisen or potential hindrances that could arise, all of that momentum just stops right there in them as soon as you notice you're distracted.

When you relax, you are letting go of your attention to that hindrance because you're bringing it back to the body. You're bringing it back to the present moment. You're bringing it back to the mind. And so you let go of that hindrance through your attention. Then when you come back to your smile, you're generating a wholesome state of mind.

What is a wholesome state of mind? A wholesome state of mind is any kind of mind that feels spacious, that doesn't cause any kind of tension or tightness in the body, that creates peace and balance in the mind. So the smile, there is a lot of emphasis in this kind of practice about smiling. And the reason is because smiling lightens the mind.

Smiling brings immediate clarity to the mind. It brings immediate joy to the mind. We're not talking about exuberant joy. We're not talking about a joy that is excited. We're talking about an uplifted feeling of mind, where the mind feels at ease, and it feels clear, and it feels collected. So when you smile, once you smile, you've generated a wholesome state of that smile.

And more often than not, the smile will happen almost automatically. And the reason is because every time you relax and let go of a hindrance in the mind, for those few moments, your mind experiences Nibbana. It is a mundane kind of Nibbana. And that Nibbana might last for a few seconds, a few moments. And it feels like the mind is unburdened.

The mind is free in those few moments. It's like a clear, blue, cloudless sky. Open and spacious. And because of that, because the mind is so relaxed, it feels naturally collected, joyful, buoyant, uplifted. And from that, you return back to your object of meditation, whether that's loving-kindness to yourself, loving-kindness to another, or radiating loving-kindness in any of the directions or in all directions or whatever it might be.

So when you return, you maintain that wholesome state of mind in that feeling of the object of meditation. That is what maintains or continues that wholesome state of mind. So every time you do this process you are applying right effort. There's not a lot of effort to be made, there's not a lot of pushing to be made, because when you push, when you crush mind with mind, as it is said in the suttas, it only creates more tightness, it only creates more tension, it only creates the further arising of hindrances.

So what are the five hindrances? There are generally listed five hindrances, but there can be subsets of that as well. They are sensual craving, aversion, restlessness, sloth and torpor, and doubt. So what is sensual craving? First of all, craving, which comes from the word tanha, which means to thirst, to want something very deeply and very badly. If it was not given to you, or if it was not provided, or it was provided and taken away, your mind would experience suffering.

That is how you know there is craving there. But in here, when we talk about sensual craving, we're talking about a mind that gets caught up and enamored and distracted by this or that. It's a mind that says, I like this and I want more of it. So what is an example of sensual craving, practically speaking, in the meditation?

You may be meditating very deeply, very peacefully, and your mind might be experiencing great amounts of clarity, and you might have loving-kindness in your mind, in your heart, and you're staying with that feeling of loving-kindness. And then all of a sudden, you hear birds chirping in the sky, on the trees. Your attention goes there for a moment and perhaps then you come back.

But then your mind ponders upon what kind of bird was that? And then from there, there's mental proliferation. You visualize the bird, the color of its wings, the kind of beak it possesses. You remember a time when you saw this bird while you were walking in the park and how it made you feel. You think about how you felt when you were with this person and so on and so forth. So there's all this mental proliferation that arises just from that one moment of sensual experience. So when we talk about sensual experience, what we're saying is anything related to the physical senses: the eyes, the ears, the nose, the tongue, and the body. The mind is outside of the scope of physical senses.

So anything that triggers that mental proliferation from any of the sense spaces, the physical sense spaces, and then where the mind gets caught up in that, is sensual craving. So sensual craving is something that just slowly seeps in like any of the other hindrances. See that, and get caught up, and see that it's getting caught up in that, and then drop it right there by just letting go and relaxing. Coming back to the smile and then coming back to your object of meditation.

When we talk about aversion, aversion is the opposite of craving in the sense that it is not the absence of craving, it is the flip side of that. It is the mind that says, I don't want this. I don't like this. So aversion has different kinds of templates and different kinds of flavors. Aversion can be irritation. It can be frustration. It can be anger. It can be hatred. It can be all kinds of emotions that say, I don't like this and I don't want this.

The very quick and easy way to deal with aversion, or ill will, as it's also known, is to generate loving-kindness. But how does aversion arise, practically speaking, in the meditation? Let's say that you are meditating. Again, your mind is very clear, very collected. It's on the object of meditation and you feel very good with it. Everything's going great.

And then somebody opens the door and perhaps closes it a little too loudly. And then your mind goes to that and gets irritated and flustered by that. And you get upset by that. And you have all kinds of thoughts related to it. And you say, can't they be more mindful? Can't they be more conscientious? Right? So when your mind is like that, you have aversion.

Aversion pulls you away from the object through saying, I don't like this. And your mind tightens around that feeling of, I don't like this. And it could then result in further mental proliferation, where the mind says, I don't like it because of so-and-so. And therefore, you know, they shouldn't be doing this. Don't they know that we're on retreat? And all kinds of thoughts that arise.

But if you catch your mind getting caught up in that, that is the recognized step. And immediately thereafter, you let go. Okay. Silly mind. It got caught up again. It's okay. Let go of it. That relief, that feeling of relaxation, and the joy immediately arises through the smile, and then you return back to your object. And then we have what's known as restlessness. Restlessness and remorse, actually, that's what it's called. So restlessness can arise in different ways. Restlessness can be anxiety, worrying about the future, thinking about this or that, getting caught up in different kinds of thoughts, or remorse, thinking about the past, thinking about how things could have been, thinking about, oh, if only I did this, things would have been different.

If only I had said that. If only they did this. These kinds of thoughts are remorse. And then you have further mental proliferation, so restlessness can arise for a variety of different reasons, but primarily restlessness arises because the mind becomes too tight. It tries too hard. It pushes a little too much, and it tries to grip onto something. What happens? It seeps right through your fingers, just like sand.

But if you notice that and you loosen your grip and you let go, right? So the antidote for restlessness is more tranquillity, bringing in more peacefulness, more equanimity, more balance in the mind, taking a step back in your mind. Instead of pushing further, instead of causing the mind to try to deal with the restlessness by pushing it away.

Your mind just relaxes and lets go. Find some space. Find some distance in the mind. So when that restlessness arises, just notice: okay, my mind is getting caught up in it again. Now, the key is not to take any of these hindrances personally. Easier said than done, right? Sometimes you say, oh, why did I get that aversion again? Or why am I getting caught up again? Why am I getting restless again? Why am I having all of these thoughts again? It's okay. That is the nature of the mind.

The mind is capricious. It is fickle. It moves from place to place to place. To establish the mind by forcing it into something is a fool's errand. You're not going to achieve anything by doing that. Perhaps for a few moments, maybe for a few minutes, maybe even for a few hours, your mind remains absolutely still because you forced it to be in that.

But that is just a form of suppression. What happens when you suppress the mind? What happens when you push down a ball into the water? As soon as you let go of it, it goes right back up with full force. The same way, when you try to push these things down, when you try to push the hindrances down, for those moments, for those minutes, for those hours, your mind feels very calm and collected, uplifted, some states have been collected while you're going on about your day.

But then a trigger happens, something catches your attention, and you get upset by it, you get caught up in it, you have craving towards it, and then a whole storm of hindrances arises. So you're not dealing with the hindrances as and when they arise in the way that is intended using this path. You're suppressing it, you're pushing it down. The key to deal with the hindrance is to acknowledge it, to be okay with it. Treat the hindrances like guests. Treat the hindrances like teachers. They are shedding light on where your attachments lie, or where your sources, your trigger points, lie.

So that you can deal with them and heal from them by letting go and replacing them, reconditioning them with states that are wholesome and healthy and uplifting for you. So this restlessness can be dealt with by just taking a step back, just by seeing it for what it is and saying, okay, I'm going to create some space in my mind. I'm going to let it go. I'm going to come back to my re-smile and I'm going to come back to my object. That's it.

And then the big one, sloth and torpor. Sloth and torpor is something you will experience probably the first couple of days of the retreat, whether you want it or not. And the reason is because you are adjusting to a new place, adjusting to a new environment, adjusting to a new energy. Your mind is adjusting to a new schedule perhaps. So that's okay. So what is sloth and torpor? Sloth and torpor is a dullness of mind. It is a mind where the attention is not as strong as it ought to be, a mind that should be collected. You may be thinking that you are meditating, and you're staying with the feeling of loving-kindness, and your mind starts to stay there, stay there, stay there, and then suddenly you find yourself in this position. And what do you do? You immediately get up and you say, I'm going to meditate again. Yeah, I'm doing fine. And again you find yourself in that same space.

So the way to deal with that sloth and torpor is sometimes it's because there's not enough attention being given to your object of meditation. In other words, there are little holes in your attention. You might be thinking you're meditating, and then your mind just dulls out and thinks about something else, and there's other things going on. And before you know it, you're in that phase of sloth and torpor. If that's the case, then you can look at the focus of your mind, or the attention of your mind, like an aperture of a camera.

Depends on how much focus you put on it, right? If you focus too much, you don't see the full picture. You're too one-pointed. And as a result, there can be restlessness that arises. But not enough focus, and the image is blurry. So the right amount of energy, what does the right amount of energy feel like? Well, there is clarity in the mind. The mind has sharpness.

The mind is resting on the object of meditation, whatever the object is, and everything feels like it's flowing. There's no tightness. There's no adjustment to be made. Everything is just going on autopilot. This is very closely linked with ekaggata, which is not one-pointedness, but rather a mind that is unified with its object, collected. It just remains in its lane, doesn't swerve from here to there.

So if that's the case, you can try to bring a little bit more energy if there's sloth and torpor, which means just looking more closely at what's going on. If that doesn't help, then you can do other things. The Buddha talks about the perception of light. So there's the internal light of your attention or your awareness, which I've talked about in terms of shifting that focus.

But then there's also the external light. Make sure that you are meditating in daylight or where there is a lot of light. That would also help. When you do your walking meditation, for about 10 to 15 minutes, do backwards walking. Walk backwards, because it's so much easier to just walk in the forward direction without even thinking about it, because we're so used to it. But for us to walk backwards, we need to pay more attention to where the steps are, where we're heading, and so on, which means it starts to strengthen our attention, starts to hone in and focus our attention.

So for 10 to 15 minutes, you can do some backward walking and come back to your sitting and then continue and see how that feels. The Buddha has also said that what you can do is splash water on your face, splash cold water on your face. And if none of that works, go to sleep. Take a nap. When I say take a nap, I mean take a 20-minute nap at the most.

There was an individual at a retreat at Dhammasuka who heeded my words, and he said, I'm doing well and everything, but I just don't find time to meditate. I said, why? He said, well, I've been spending time napping. I said, how long have you been napping? Oh, three and a half hours. Three, three and a half hours.

That's not the kind of nap I'm talking about. Do small increments, 15 to 20 minute naps. That is known as non-deep sleep rest. This starts to bring in a little bit more energy to the mind when you do that. There's enough of relaxation and rest in the mind, but there's also enough energy that's cultivated when you do that.

And then, worst comes to worst, the sloth and torpor is present and all you can do is just go through it. It's like driving through a fog. There's nothing you can do about it but just drive through it until the fog is no longer there, until the fog clears. Which means if in that one-hour sit, 50 minutes of that is just sloth and torpor, and you go past it, and those 10 minutes can be very clear and very collected, and eventually that changes, where instead of 50 minutes of that it's 40 minutes of that, or 30 minutes of that, or 20 minutes of that. So don't beat yourself up for any of the hindrances that arise. You didn't cause them to be there. You didn't say, now I want to feel sloth and torpor. You didn't say, now I want to feel restlessness.

You didn't say, now I want to feel aversion. It's just arising due to whatever causes and conditions are present. These hindrances arise due to a lack of attention. Your attention is drifting in some other direction, and it's okay. That is the nature of the mind. Once you come to terms with that and you laugh at the mind, you make light of this whole process, you keep things light, you keep things not serious, don't make things so serious, then you will have more progress, because when things are light, when the mind is clear and uplifted, it naturally becomes more collected, it naturally becomes more open in its awareness.

And therefore, it's able to notice when a hindrance arises and able to let go of it easier. And more importantly, it's able to be more focused, more collected. So the more you're able to be okay with yourself, the more you're able to be okay with that mind, the more you're able to be okay with, okay, this is the present moment. I'm just dealing with it. I'm accepting it as it is.

The easier things become. And this is the nature of life itself. It's not just about the meditation. It's about how do you deal with difficult situations in life as well. Do you try to fight against it? Do you try to change it? Do you try to make things differently? Do you try to chase after things?

Or do you accept things as they are and allow things to unfold? That doesn't mean you just sit in your chair and don't do anything. It means that whatever it is you're doing is not so invested in a certain kind of outcome. If you're free of the desire for a certain kind of outcome, then your mind finds the quickest route to that outcome without you even having to do anything. If you just relax and be in it.

That's all you have to do. Sure, it might take time, but that's what you're here for, is to learn patience. Patience leads to Nibbana. Be okay with everything that goes on in every moment. Yesterday I talked about surrendering to the moment. That just means being here present, aware of what your mind is doing at all times. Where is the mind going? What is it thinking about? Is it daydreaming? Is it in sloth and torpor? Okay, acknowledge that it's there. Then use the present moment as an anchor to just have the presence of mind to come back to your object.

Finally, we have what's known as doubt. So doubt here can mean a multitude of things. Doubt can mean doubt in the Buddha, the Dhamma, the Sangha. Doubt in the teachings, doubt in this or that. But doubt in this case, for practical purposes, also means confusion, not understanding. Being unsure of what state of mind the mind is in. Not recognizing whether it's a wholesome state or an unwholesome state of mind.

That's really what doubt is here. Yes, there's also self-doubt in terms of, am I doing the practice correctly? Am I in this retreat? Do I want to be in this retreat? What am I doing here? This meditation is not going so well. Maybe I shouldn't be meditating. Maybe I didn't hear him correctly when he said this. Am I actually feeling loving kindness?

Am I actually collected? All of these things are all emanations of that same doubt. Not aware of what states are present. So how do you deal with doubt? First, let go of those thoughts. Notice, okay, my mind is confused about whether I'm in this state or not. Take a step back and consider where you were in the meditation just moments ago. Was there tightness or tension, or was there clarity?

Was there aversion or was there loving kindness? What was present in the mind just a few moments ago? Okay, there was some tightness. All right, I'm choosing to let go of that, coming back. Or no, there was loving kindness there. It's all good. It's fine. The doubt, you let it go. You relax, you come back with your smile to the feeling of loving kindness or whatever the object is. So these are the five hindrances: sensual craving, aversion, restlessness, sloth and torpor, and doubt. Take it seriously and not to take it personally. The key to success in this practice is to really have fun with it, to make it a game.

Okay, every time I get caught up in something, I'm going to laugh at myself. I'm going to laugh at my mind and I'm going to just come back. Every time I stay with the feeling, that's great. That's another brownie point. Fine. Make it a game. That's all. And remember, what you've come to this retreat for is to let go some of the suffering that you've been experiencing.

Is to let go of some of the craving you might be experiencing. Is to let go of some of the identification your mind goes through. Is to experience greater degrees of clarity. Greater degrees of joy and happiness. Contentment. The only way to do that is to let go. Let go of the outcome, let go of any attachment to the outcome, and just be. Allow the mind to rest in whatever is present. Let your mind be present in every moment. Let your mind observe itself. Okay, this is mind watching mind. It's mind watching itself. Meditate.

Creating that space, creating that distance. I am not meditating. The mind is meditating. There's an observing of how mind is meditating. That way, there's less about me, mine, or myself, and the outcome, and more of, okay, I'm just observing it like a scientific experiment in a lab. This is what's going on. If I add a little bit more energy, this is what happens. If I have more tranquility, this is what happens. I'm just letting things be as they are.

That is the attitude and that is the skill to cultivate for this practice. Mind-watching mind. This is known as metacognition. Not cognition of metta, the loving kindness, but cognition of cognition itself. Awareness of awareness itself. I also told you yesterday that don't worry about what happens in the interviews. Don't worry about trying to figure out what's going on in every step of the meditation, trying to make a perfect report.

I'm not going to be with a clipboard scoring you on what's going on. I'm here to just listen to what's going on in your experience. So be open about it. Don't try to figure out, okay, what should I be telling Delson in the interview? If it helps, after you sit, write down a few notes. A few basic things that stand out. And then you can talk about your meditation. So the interview process. I will ask only three questions.

And then we will take it from there. The first question is, what is your object of meditation? Is it loving kindness to yourself and spiritual friend? Is it radiating in the sixth direction? If it's radiating in the six directions, what are you radiating? Is it the quiet mind or is it something else? What is your object of meditation? That's the first question. The second question is, what was your longest sit? How long did you sit for? Was it half an hour? Was it 45 minutes? Was it an hour? Was it 90 minutes? Whatever long. You don't have to worry about how long exactly. Just a ballpark figure. And the third question, did anything interesting happen?

Did anything strike you as interesting? Did you feel more joy? Did you feel more clarity? Did you feel more spaciousness? Did you feel like you were losing awareness of the body? Whatever it is, something that was different about this meditation. And then we'll take it from there. These are the three questions I want to know from you at each interview.

It's not a therapy session, right? It's to understand your own meditation and your own mind in relation to the meditation and life in general. That itself will help you inform you of things that you're dealing with in your life, how to deal with them. Because as we progress in this retreat, we will also talk about intuition. Intuition is the ability of the mind to come into synchronicity with whatever is going on. And then the answers arise on their own without having to reflect or think about them. But we'll talk about that more in depth later. For now, this is all I want you to understand. Take it easy. Don't try to force things and enjoy the process.