June 22 AN 5.57 -5 Reflections - Sunday Sutta Study-Delson Armstrong

All right. So we're going to do two suttas today. This one, the first one we're going to start off with, is Anguttara Nikaya 5.57. Let me share this. And this is one that more recently we've been doing as a morning reflection. Yeah. A woman or a man, by a householder, or one gone forth. What five? A woman or a man, a householder, or one gone forth should often reflect thus: I am subject to old age. I am not exempt from old age. A woman or a man, a householder, or one gone forth should often reflect thus: I am subject to illness. I am not exempt from illness. A woman or a man,

Or diminished. It is for the sake of this benefit that a man or a woman, a householder, or one gone forth, should often reflect thus. So it's interesting here, he says, in their youth, beings are intoxicated with their youth. And when they're intoxicated with their youth, they engage in misconduct by body, speech, and mind. What is the saying? Youth is wasted on the young, right? Because being young and youthful, we don't necessarily have the wisdom that we would gain through experience. And the definition of what it means to be young is relative, so to speak, but generally, of course, teenagers are definitely not fully formed in terms of their brain function, because they still have to develop their prefrontal cortex, and that doesn't happen until you're maybe 25 or 27, something like that. And we take more risks when we are young.

We take more risks. We don't necessarily think about the consequences. And some of us have partied way too much, taken some intoxicants way too much, been frivolous with our relationships way too much. And one day that will have an effect in our old age. Like, we are young and nothing really can disempower us. But old age is coming. It's around the corner. I'm at that age now, at the age of, what, 35, where I can't be considered young, but I can't be considered old yet. So let's see how it goes for me. But I think I did mostly well in my youth, but the body will let me know how it goes. But if we reflect on this as people who are young, that one day we are all subject to aging.

We are already subject to aging. We are subject to old age. We're not exempt from old age. And whatever that carries forward for us, which means the diminishing of the senses, the diminishing of our eyesight, our ears. Bones may become more fragile. We may need to have different kinds of procedures or surgeries to maintain this body. And that is a consequence of a myriad of things. But it could be, you know, we haven't taken good care of the body. We haven't really been too cautious or careful in how we indulge in sensual pleasures.

The intoxication with youth. When one reflects on this, that hey, actions have consequences. It might not be readily available in terms of that realization and insight immediately, but if we really think about it, that hey, we are going to be old, and there may be a time when nobody will be able to take care of us. What do we do in that time? So can we let go of this pride and intoxication of, I'm feeling strong now, I'm feeling healthy now, I'm feeling vigorous now, I'm feeling youthful now? But one day it won't be so. So can we reflect on that and diminish, if not completely eradicate, that attachment to this idea of being young? For the sake of what benefit should a woman or a man, a householder, or one gone forth, often reflect thus?

And a place called Uttarkashi. And we had gone to many different ashrams, many different sites along the Ganges River and up the mountains. And we lived a very, very frugal life. We were kind of like nomads and wanderers. And just wherever we could sleep, we would sleep. If someone would give us a meal, they would give us a meal, or if not, then we would just survive. But regardless of that, I think as a result of maybe drinking some kind of water or something happening, I may have gotten some kind of an infection. And I had an enlarged liver and jaundice and an enlarged spleen. And I had to go to the hospital. Initially we thought maybe it was malaria, but then they ruled that out.

I was shivering and shaking. And then it was yellow all over the skin and the eyes. And I was just basically on my bed. And my step-grandfather would come visit me almost every day. And sometimes he would see me under the sheets, because I like to sleep like that. And I would be under these white sheets. And he would think, oh God, what do I tell his parents? He's dead. So it was really bad.

Basically a skeleton, like when you see the bodhisattva, becoming just skin and bones. That was what I was. And I reflected on my life. I reflected on very little of it, but I reflected on it, and I said, oh, if I have to go, then I'll be ready to go. And I had an NDE, because of that near-death experience. So one day you're fit and healthy, you can be whatever age you are, and the next day you get some kind of an infection, and that might be the end of it. Or you might suffer greatly. I've been traveling quite a bit, so I have a stomach of steel, but once in a while I might go to some Southeast Asian country, or even back to India, and eat something not realizing it might not be the best option to eat, and then experience the consequences over the period of one or two weeks. And it can be horrendous.

It can be so bad, so much pain, so much suffering, as if a knife is carving up my belly, as some people say in the suttas. But then I think, okay, well, that's done. And that's great, because now my stomach is even more immune and so on. So that's fine. But you never know what could happen. Any kind of illness can strike you. It can be, it can feel really bad. It can feel like nothing is exactly the same, and you feel a little off. So illness is something that we have to be aware of. And so, intoxication with our health: one day you are healthy and another day you may not be. Does that mean you stop taking your vitamins and supplements, or whatever it is you do to be healthy? No, that doesn't mean that. It just means don't be so proud about your health. Realize that everything is ultimately impermanent.

That is the message behind this particular sutta. Everything is impermanent. Our health and our energy and our vigor and our youth. And then he goes on and he says, And for the sake of what benefit should a man or a woman, a householder or one gone forth, often reflect thus? I am subject to death. I am not exempt from death. During their lives, beings are intoxicated with life. And when they're intoxicated with life, they engage in misconduct by body, speech, and mind. But when one often reflects upon this theme, the intoxication with life is neither completely abandoned or diminished. It is for the sake of this benefit that a woman or a man, a householder, or one gone forth should often reflect thus.

Oh, I also should add, after I got sick and I was there for months in the hospital and all of that, you would think that I would learn my lesson. But no, I then went back and continued being foolish in my youth, and did a lot of crazy things. So just because we have an experience and it helps us reflect on the impermanence of life, things can allow us to get caught up back into attachment to sensual pleasures, back into attachment with our body, with our health, with our youth, with our lives. And therefore, as the Buddha says, being intoxicated with that, being attached to it, they can engage in misconduct by body, speech, and mind. So as young people we have done that. We've done a lot of interesting [things] that are in alignment with the precepts, let's say.

Same with health. I mean, I was on my deathbed and then I recovered, convalesced, and went back to the same old thing. Of course, I learned a little bit more. I became more interested in yoga and philosophy and things like that. But hey, still intoxicated with life, with youth, with energy and health. So how do we let go of that? How do we continue to diminish that? How do we continue to reduce that? By using this as a meditation, as a point of reflection and contemplation, not as something that you do by rote. Oh, I'm not exempt from old age. I'm not exempt from illness. I'm not exempt from death, and all of these things.

Really reflect on that. Really spend some time considering what that means. Do you have the equanimity enough? And if you don't, then maybe radiate some equanimity to yourself. You might say, may I be tranquil? May I be free of agitation? May I be filled with equanimity? May my mind be calm and collected. And let that equanimity seep through your mind and body. word, you can do that and then reflect on that. Just see how it has been where you have had experiences of disease or of old age, where things don't necessarily function the way they used to. And then the death. Seeing your own death is a very powerful remedy for the intoxication with life.

And you see that, and going through the dying process will let you prepare for it when it actually happens, so that you may never have to come back to samsara. You may just be able to let go and accept the dying process. Every time we meditate, every time we learn to let go through the process of contemplation and meditation, it is a preparation for death. This is what I'm teaching you when you are on retreat. Try peacefully how to let go, so that you don't have to come back and repeat the same old things over and over again.

So when you can do this and realize that this body is not exempt from death, I am subject to death, you see that in every moment and you start to let go. You start to become more disenchanted, free of any kind of enchantments. The experience of perception of impermanence is such a strong deterrent against any kind of conceit.

And conceit comes from the word mana. And mana in Pali means to compare. This is something I've said on this most recent retreat. Comparison, as they say, is the thief of joy. Oh, I'm healthy, but they're not. Or we don't necessarily say that explicitly or think that explicitly, but it's there in the subconscious.

But when we realize, one day I will be like that, or I could be like that. One day my body will be frail or could be frail. One day I will die. That is a truth. That is the eternal truth of all existence. All that arises passes away. So this body has been brought forth into this world through food and nutrition and will one day diminish through old age and then completely go away.

It becomes nothing more than a bag of fluids and skeleton and muscle and nothing else. So the reflection on death is very powerful, the reflection on death, a meditation on the dying process. That is going to show you what it is that you need to let go of, what it is that you need to come to terms with and be able to gracefully and peacefully acknowledge, accept, experience, and finally let go.

And for the sake of what benefits should a woman or a man, a householder, or one gone forth often reflect thus: I must be parted and separated from everyone and everything dear and agreeable to me. Beings have desire and lust in regard to those people and things that are dear and agreeable, and are excited by this lust. They engage in misconduct by body, speech, and mind. But when one reflects upon this theme, misconduct in regard to everyone and everything dear and agreeable is either completely abandoned or diminished.

It is for the sake of this benefit that a woman or a man, a householder or one gone forth should often reflect thus: I must be parted and separated from everyone and everything dear and agreeable to me. This is a hard one for many people because they are so enchained, so engrossed, so invested in their relationships, whether it's with their parents, with their children, with their siblings, with their friends, with their spouses, their partners, whatever it might be, or with their things, with their belongings, with their house, with their car that they paid their hard-earned money for or took out a loan on and continue to pay a mortgage on, and so on.

These are all things that the mind starts to identify with because we become so attached to them, whether it's people or things. But one day they will go away. Think about owning a home. You're not going to be able to take that home away when you're gone. You're not going to be able to take the people that you've lived life with when you're gone. You're not going to be able to take away your gold or your money or your Bitcoin or whatever it is. It's not going to go with you. It would be nice if someone were able to open up a business where they can continue to have... they can serve people who are reborn in a new life and say, hey, we can prove that you lived in this particular life.

And therefore you can continue to own this account and continue to own your Bitcoin and all of that. That would be an interesting business model, but I don't think that's necessarily possible in the near future. So we have to be able to let go. These relationships are here as a result of causes and conditions. The things that we may consider as ours, or that we consider to own, arose due to causes and conditions. And so thereby they are conditioned. Being conditioned, they are impermanent.

They are inherently essenceless of me, mine, or myself. When you met your partner, when you met your spouse, when you met whoever it was that you've fallen in love with and had a relationship with or continue to have a relationship with, there was a time when you didn't know anything about that person or knew that person at all.

And there will be a time when they are gone due to the end of that relationship through death or breakup or something else, and you won't have them. There was a time when you owned your car, there was a time when you didn't have your car, and there will be a time when your car breaks down and you won't have it again. So everything comes and goes. This can be a very difficult thing for people to let go of, especially their relationships, because we are so tied to the people around us through our neurochemistry, through vasopressin, through oxytocin, and other sorts of cocktails of neurochemicals that help us to bond with the people in our lives.

And the very same chemicals, especially oxytocin, can cause us to create boundaries in such a way that we don't necessarily see others as ourselves. We don't see others as part of us or part of our lives. And so anything that can threaten the inner circle of the people and the things in our circle are now enemies. And so it becomes us versus them. And this can be the extreme form of that, where we become so intoxicated by lust and desire, which means we become so attached to our relationships that we do whatever we can to protect and defend them. And doing so, it may result in misconduct by body, mind, and speech.

say that we should just let, you know, stop being in relationships. I don't say that we should, you know, break off our partnerships or, you know, abandon our children or our families or things like that. But understand that everyone and everything has a place in our lives as a result of a series of causes and conditions that includes karmic lessons that need to be learned and that they are all there. as a result of our efforts or as a result of things that we may have done in the past. And therefore, they may be rewards for the things that we've done. They may be punishments for the things that we've done. And we have to just continue living in a way where we can cultivate loving kindness towards our relationships, the people in our relationships.

Suffering in our relationships, see if we can be a good friend, a good spouse, a good partner, a good sibling, a good child, a good parent, whatever it might be, and be able to cultivate the joy, be able to relish in their happiness, but ultimately realize that they are their own person and they have arisen due to their own causes and conditions in terms of their own nature of so-called self. And ultimately, all is empty of self.

And this then results in equanimity. When they start acting like jerks, when they start acting belligerent, when they start behaving in a way that doesn't meet our expectations of their relationships, it's not about them. It's about our reactions and responses to them. Can we be equanimous towards that? Disagreements with them? And can we go from getting it right to needing to be right? So any relationship is a wonderful smorgasbord of karma. It is just a lot of karma that you have to deal with when you are in relationships. Even a relationship with yourself is also karmic in nature. So see those and reflect on that. One day they will all go away. So what can you do now to let go of your attachment, your aversion, your holding on to ideas and concepts in them, around them, about them, whatever it might be in relation to that particular relationship or that particular object.

Karma as my resort. I will be the heir of whatever karma, good or bad, that I do. This does not mean that we have to think, I am suffering like this because in lifetime 273 I did so and so and so. Or I'm going through this particular wonderful thing because in lifetime 576 I did so and so and so. No, that's not what it means.

What it means is right now, right here, whatever is arising is due to whatever I may or may have not done in the past. May have engaged in some kind of misconduct or kept the precepts. And therefore, whatever I'm experiencing in this moment is old karma. All experience that we are having is a result of causes and conditions. We are subject to those causes and conditions by the nature of the fact that this body, mind, and its faculties are present in this samsara, in this particular life, in this particular existence. And so I am the heir, or I will be the heir. I'm the owner of my karma, that I identify with that karma. It means I take responsibility for whatever's arising in terms of my responses and reactions to whatever is arising.

I'm the heir of my karma, right? That means whatever has arisen, I now have to experience. And so what do I do in this present moment in relation to that experience? I have karma as my origin. That means that whatever has arisen is a result of my choices that I made. Karma is my relative. Karma is my resort. So what do we mean by that? Karma is my relative. The only thing that we experience is ultimately a result of certain choices that we've made. Now, it's not all of it, but it's most of it. And some of it could be accidents. Some of it could be a person assaulting you that was unprovoked. It could be the environment.

It could be diseases of the body. And I don't think it's compassionate for us to say that this person is this way in their body and their disease is this because of a result of something they did in a past life. Nobody has the right to say that, even if it is true or whatever it might be. How does that help? The only thing we can do is, can I do something about this now? Is there a way I can alleviate that disease? Is there a way that I can alleviate that suffering? So karma is my relative. Karma is my resort. Now, the only thing I can do is be here in the present. Understand that this is karma, or this is a result of karma, and be able to see what it is that needs to be seen.

Namely, can I learn my lesson from whatever is arising? Can I let go, ultimately, which is the lesson, of identifying with it? My bhava, reconditioning how I make choices, reconditioning my choices so that they don't result in the same thing over and over again, and being able to let go of that so that I am now living, engaging in the Eightfold Path, which we'll come to now.

This noble disciple reflects thus, I am not the only one who is subject to old age, not exempt from old age. All beings that come and go, that pass away and undergo rebirth, are subject to old age. None are exempt from old age. As he often reflects on this theme, the path is generated. What is the path we're talking about? We're talking about the Eightfold Path. The path leading to the cessation of suffering. Pursues this path, develops it, cultivates it. As he does so, the fetters are entirely abandoned.

We let go of our craving for sensual pleasures, identifying with that. We let go of our ill will, our animosity. We let go of self-view. We let go of attachments to rites and rituals with the idea that they will lead to the complete cessation of suffering. We let go of any kind of doubt or inability to discern what is wholesome and unwholesome. And namely, we let go of the doubt in the Buddha, Dhamma and Sangha. We let go of our conceit. We let go of our desire to be reborn in a certain kind of existence.

We let go of our agitation in relation to an experience. Let go of our ignorance. That is the lack of mindfulness in every given moment and remembering the Four Noble Truths in every given moment. And the underlying tendencies are uprooted. What are those underlying tendencies? The underlying tendency towards craving when a pleasant feeling arises. The underlying tendency towards aversion when an unpleasant experience arises. Ignorance, where we have a lack of mindfulness when a neutral experience arises. The underlying tendency towards doubt, where we are unable to discern between the wholesome and unwholesome. The underlying tendency towards conceit, where we compare this experience with another experience. The underlying tendency towards bhava, where we desire for this experience to continue a certain way. The underlying tendency towards views, have certain opinions about an experience which results in defending that viewpoint and thereby...

Or that I am not the only one who must be parted and separated from everyone and everything, dear and agreeable to me. Parted and separated from everyone and everything dear and agreeable. Or that I am not the only one who is the owner of one's karma, the heir of one's karma, who has karma as one's origin, karma as one's relative, karma as one's resort, who will be the heir of whatever karma, good or bad, that one does. All beings that come and go, that pass away, that undergo rebirth, are owners of their karma, heirs of their karma, karma as their origin, karma as their relative, karma as their resort, all will be heirs of whatever karma, good or bad, that they do. So why do we reflect in this way? Because we start to cultivate the path and we stay in our lane. Yes, it's wonderful to help others when we are able to help them out of compassion, but we are not their savior. No one is going to be there to save you. You are responsible for your own actions.

And it helps us realize that no birth, no rebirth is ultimately satisfactory. We may want to be in the highest realms. We may even want to be in the pure abodes, but ultimately that too is subject to decay. That too is subject to suffering due to conceit, identification, and some levels of ignorance. Take care of our understanding of the path.

Develop it and cultivate it so that we can let go of our own suffering. And thereby, as a result of which, through our actions, through our speech, through our motives and intentions that are rooted in the Eightfold Path, that are rooted in compassion and wisdom, automatically it will help others. So we don't need to be a savior towards others. We just need to be able to cultivate the path first for ourselves. And this will have an effect on others around us naturally.

And so it ends with this verse, these verses. Worldlings, that is those who don't practice the Dhamma, subject to illness, old age and death, are disgusted by other people who exist in accordance with their nature. If I were to become disgusted, that means one who is a practitioner of the Dhamma, with beings who have such a nature, that would not be proper for me, since I too have the same nature. In other words, why should I be disgusted by illness, by old age, by death, by separation from that which is dear to me, and by karma? Two have that same nature.

While I was dwelling thus, having known the state without acquisitions, what is that state without acquisitions? With no clinging, no craving. I overcame all intoxications, intoxication with health, with youth, with life. Having seen security and renunciation, does that mean security in becoming a monk? Not everybody has that capacity or ability to become a monk. But renunciation here means renunciation in our mind.

Security in the contentment in whatever is arising. Security in letting go whatever arises. Zeal then arose in me. In other words, enthusiasm. As I clearly saw Nibbana. Nibbana here is the mind that is free of craving. The mind that is free of all attachments. I'm completely unconditioned by external factors. Now I am incapable of indulging in sensual pleasures. Relying on the spiritual life, never will I turn back. I'll stop there for a moment to catch my breath and see if there are any questions.

What does one gone forth mean? It means a monk. Hey, Delson, just one comment. You know, when we're intoxicated with health, it's kind of hard to understand what that means. But I was just thinking, when you're 20 and 17 or whatever, you think you're going to live forever. And you take drugs and you party until it's, you know, you party like it's 19.

1999 is as we say, and you think you know you anything can, you know, you can survive it all, and most of the time you do, but sometimes the overdose comes and they take care, or they just burn themselves out, and they think, no, it's not possible, I am healthy, I'm permanent. Yeah, yeah, exactly. You think you live forever, as you said. Yeah. How many months did that illness go on? At least three, four months. I was in the hospital, and then another six months of convalescing. So what was the cause? Did they ever find it? I don't think so. I mean, I thought it might have been hepatitis, but maybe it was some kind of infection that resulted in the jaundice, the swollen liver, and all that. Wow. But it was a point where if I did anything it would be very bad and toxic for the liver, so all I could survive on was bread and water. That's it for all that time in the hospital, bread and water, and some measly

Tomato soup or something like that. No rice. What about rice? No rice, nothing, just anything that is like soft food, and I think that's too hard on the digestion. Ah, bread and water for you. Yeah. Put you in prison for three months. That's right. And I'll tell you what, there was so much desire for chicken biryani and chicken curry those three months. And then after I came out of the hospital, the doctor gave me strict instructions.

Nothing spicy, nothing too oily, no meats. And what was the first thing I wanted to do as soon as I got out of the hospital? I wanted to eat chicken biryani. But my relatives were very compassionate enough to be like, no, no, no, you can't have that. At least for three months, you can't have that. And I remember almost three months had been up. Two months and maybe 25 days. And I was like, I could probably go to a restaurant now and eat. And there was a little bit of like, I don't know if this is right, but I'm going to do it anyway. And I indulged.

in that chicken biryani and it was the most glorious experience. Mary, speaking. Yeah. And you survived? Yeah, yeah. All right, so here's a question. How can we best navigate what is currently happening, war, genocide? What is the right view, and how should our practice look in those times? Well, unless you are in a war zone, there's not much you can do about it. And even if you are in a war zone, there's still not much you can do about it. And this is the terrible thing about samsara: you have people who are not directly related to your actions, and they make decisions, and that affects an entire population. over in these moments and in these situations.

And it's the same kind of practice: the four foundations of mindfulness, the same practice of Brahma Vihara, the same practice of following the Eightfold Path. Easier said than done, because you're watching the news and you see all this crazy stuff that's going on all over the world. Human beings were not built to actually have to know what's happening halfway around the world. They just knew, okay, this is what's happening in my vicinity right now. And, okay, this is what I need to do. And I go about my day. So does that mean you stop watching the news? Ideally, I would say, yeah, stop watching the news, but some people just can't do that.

So use the news and current events as a point of reflection that ultimately everything is impermanent. And also as a point of, can I send compassion? Can I be compassionate towards myself and towards others who are in suffering and in pain because of this? Can I have equanimity towards those people and leaders who I think are being really indecisive or being malicious or being whatever it is that we have opinions about, whoever the leader is?

Can I have equanimity towards that? Can I send them loving kindness? Points of exercise for further cultivation of the Brahma Viharas. This is what we can do. Okay, what does this say here? Thank you for the talk. Does the path get more difficult as you progress on it, or is it supposed to get easier? There are moments when I get angry, and it comes out of nowhere and happens like an automatic reaction, and then I feel shame afterwards and get confused.

While I can't say that the path necessarily gets easier or more difficult, it is really just dependent upon what is arising. But these moments of anger, when they arise and these reactions that they come about, if you take time to reflect on them and say, where did that come from? What was that resulting from? Was it because of something that triggered me due to past trauma? And is there something that I can do to heal that particular trauma so that I don't get triggered like that again? Feeling guilt and shame is a consequence, or confusion is a consequence, of those particular reactions. And you can take those as an immediate result of the karma of being reactive, you know, in anger or whatever.

So the cultivation of the path, if we become too stringent and too strong in our determination to cultivate the path, we're going to find resistance. We're going to find stuff happening. But if we just are like, okay, reflect on the path in the morning. When you start off your day, when you go for meditation, if you start off with taking the three refuges, if you feel like doing that, taking the five precepts, doing these five reflections, and then understanding what is the path that I should be following, figuring out, okay, what is right view? What is right speech? What is right action? What is right livelihood? What is right effort? Right mindfulness and right collectedness?

It kind of sets you up for the day so that you remember, hey, this isn't right speech, or what I'm about to say isn't right speech. Or, hey, I'm getting angry right now. That's not in alignment with right intention. Where is this anger coming from? Can I let go of that trigger right now? that, apologize for it, make a point not to do it again, and learn from it by reflecting, contemplating, and discerning what happened there so that I don't repeat that same mistake. So the path, I can't say whether it becomes easy or difficult. It's just that if you have the path in mind throughout the day, or at least in the morning, it sets you up for the day. Okay. has dispensation, Saad. Saad, Saad, Saad.